Life of Logan

His Own Prison

2011-11-30T23:27:00.001-05:00

Imagine, if you will, being locked in a cage. A cage where you can not speak one word and you are unable to walk. You will never escape from this dwelling, ever. All while, surviving your days lusting for a life without confinement. How would you feel?

In a nutshell, this is Logan. His body is his cage. He is in a daily battle against cerebral palsy that prevents him from doing what he desires to do. At six and a half years old, he is unable to stand, walk, talk, eat, and drink by mouth. While he perseveres with his magnitude of strength, courage, and determination, I am reminded daily to be thankful for the most miniscule of things. More than that, I am thankful God blessed me with my son, my hero, my Angel.

Can You Help?

2011-09-23T23:49:00.001-04:00

This fund raiser is like no other. Logan’s school, Holland East, is awarding the Top Seller with a one year long family membership to Holland Community Aquatic Center. This pass is a minimum value of $490.00. Amazing!!!

What is even more amazing? The chance to swim for one year is FREE therapy for Logan!! His cerebral palsy is a daily battle against his own body. He’s not able to do the things he wants to do, because his body won't let me. Swimming is a therapy that can help Yogi in more ways than one. Here are some of the benefits......

The buoyancy of the water relieves stress normally placed on muscles by gravity. The water also gives the child a grander range of motion and coordination, allowing the child a chance to build muscles and improve coordination. Plus, the sensation of water on the body is good for neurological development.

Will you please help Logan be Top Seller so he may reap these awesome benefits? Not only are you helping him, but his school too. Just click the link below to start shopping and items will be shipped directly to you. Your help and support is very much appreciated!!

The due date for all orders is Monday, October 3. That is just one week to make this superb boy Top Seller!

Here’s where to start:

Holland Public - East is having a fundraiser. You can shop online at
http://www.funservicesgr.com/store/brochures.php?sID=eas4231
The group receives profit from the sale and the seller will receive prize credits. Enter the seller ID below to begin.

Seller: Logan Fleury
Seller ID: eas4231

Thank you for your support.
If the link above does not work, please use the following link and enter the seller ID: http://www.funservicesgr.com/store/index.php

The New Kid In Town

2011-04-29T22:44:00.001-04:00

The third and final addition……

Axel Thomas blessed us on March 11, ‘11. Weighed 8 pounds, 4 ounces and measured 19 inches.

His uber cuteness makes me want to squeeze him ‘til he farts!

Wordful Wednesday

2010-11-03T22:56:00.001-04:00

What makes these few photos so astonishing? First off, these are remarkable simply because those are my boys. I absolutely adore every molecule of their being. I seriously love them so much I could squeeze them until their little heads popped off. Okay, not literally to the point of popping off their heads, but maybe enough to make them fart.

Another reason these pictures give me the warm fuzzies is this….. Approximately, oh, one or two years ago, Logan would start crying at the sight of Leviathan. No joke. Levi would just come into Logan’s sight and that was enough to provoke tears. It was heart breaking. Levi desperately wanting to be with his big brother and Logan desperately not wanting a little brother any where near him. Logan’s sensory issues were that severe.

Now, Logan’s tolerance flabbergasts me. From then to now, it is night and day difference. Logan is all about letting Levi invade his space (as seen above) and allows hugs and kisses. What impresses me even more, is that Logan will even initiate interaction and reach out for Levi. Holy wuh, that is amazing on so many levels. The brotherly love continues to evolve into a beautiful bond they will share for a lifetime. LOVE it!!!

Ta-Ta Spasticity!

2010-10-11T23:18:00.001-04:00

Do you remember what you were doing one year ago? Any given day, I can’t even remember what I ate for breakfast, but I sure recall a major incident I was facing last year. I remember being overly concerned with Logan’s spasticity, especially in his legs. He was stiffer than a board. When I used to pick him up, his legs were like steel beams, straight in front of him. Since I couldn’t carry him on my hip, I’d use his legs to open doors when transferring him from room to room. He used to have these golf ball sized knots in his calves, constantly. I assumed at that time, that some of his crying spells had to do with his tightness and muscle spasms.

I was witnessing his spasticity getting worse day by day, as it typically does worsen over time. The concern turned to distress. It came to the point, where I had driven him two hours away from home for a consultation for PERC lengthening. I was even tossing around the idea of round two of that poisonous Botox (even though it didn’t do much of anything the first time), because I was desperate to find him relief. Also, the thought of trying a new medication, Diazepam, was clouding my brain. I needed and wanted something, anything, to help ease his pain.

At last, I found something that has worked! Logan’s spasticity has subsided and today is nothing what it used to be a year ago. Granted, spasticity never fully goes away, he will always have it in some shape, way, or form for the rest of his life, but we have found a method that truly works at keeping it at bay. It isn’t surgery, Botox, or a drug, it is the Anat Baniel Method (ABM).

Seriously, teaching his muscles new ways to communicate to his brain has reduced his spasticity. To me, that right there is miraculous. Not having spasticity thunking me in the back of the head on a daily basis is a major bonus. Spasticity now takes rank at the bottom of the list for concerns. The way Logan can move his body is remarkable! Some of the major changes are:

-His legs now dangle at his knee when anyone holds him and they are no longer door openers. That’s where little brother comes in handy.

-I am now able to carry him on my hip, when that was never before possible because he had no range between his thighs. I remember wishing I had a crowbar to get his hamstrings apart.

-He no longer has golf ball sized knots in his legs and I can’t remember the last time I had to massage one out. Even his crying spells are less, let me stress the less, frequent.

-When picking up his legs individually, he doesn’t stiffen like a board and his feet have full range of motion. His poor feet never used to dangle when I picked up his leg. Kind of nice to randomly hold a body part and see it flop, opposed to what it used to be.

-He learned to climb (and scare the life out of me) thanks to the release and range of motion he gained.

-He has mastered the ‘W’ sit, which I know isn’t the greatest, but his right leg was never able to go into ‘W’. The muscle was always too tight to go the other way.

Honestly, I could continue this list with at least another half dozen examples of just how much spasticity has fizzled since starting ABM. I’m just thrilled we were able to achieve and maintain these results without any other means of intervention. Finally, spasticity is no longer kicking his butt, Logan is kicking spasticity’s butt!

Freaky Friday

2010-09-17T23:30:00.001-04:00

After Levi and I finished consuming our dinner, we excused ourselves from the table. As we always do, we headed straight to Logan’s room to check on him. Not quite sure how Levi made it in the bedroom before I did (Oh wait, I’m fat, he’s skinny, I’m big, he’s little. Duh.), but right off the bat, Levi, aka Mr. Investigator, says “Mom, Logan pooped.” Which more times than not, is generally the case. Just not this time.

After retrieving the wipes and tub of Desitin, I made my way over to Logan, thinking I’m getting ready to start poop patrol only to notice it wasn’t poop all over Logan’s legs, arms, hands, and even on his foot. It was blood *PANICK* and too much of it!

I immediately started to clean the blood off his body and searched for the source. As I’m inspecting, I can not find a wound anywhere. That is until Logan gave me a hint. He touched the back of his head and brought back more blood *PANICKIER* on his hand. I HATE head injuries!

I could not believe the amount of blood caked in Logan’s hair. Somewhat relieved it was in fact caked, cause it meant the bleeding had slowed down if not stopped. However, cleaning to get to the injury made me cringe, especially not knowing if I’m making the pain worse by trying to tidy up his hair. UGH!

In the end, he has quite the gouge. I’m making a huge guess here and assuming that he fell backwards into the corner of the armoire, which is now moved into the closet so it will cause no future damage to Logan’s skull. The bleeding, thankfully, had stopped at this point. But the pain….. not so much. He kept touching the back of his head. Hoping the dose of Tylenol helped take the edge off his pain.

What I’m wondering is….. Why the heck didn’t he cry? I know his threshold for pain is ridiculously high, but he didn’t even make ONE peep. Not one lousy peep which scares me near death. I mean, had the injury been more severe, there’s the possibility he could have bled to death. You never know! And here Levi and I are in the kitchen stuffing our faces, oblivious that there is anything wrong with Logan. Judas priest!!!

I despise the feeling of feeling like I can’t do anything without having an incident. Anything as in make or eat dinner, fold clean clothes, empty the dishwasher, check the mail, or even use the bathroom. More times than not, that is always the case, an incident of some nature. Other injuries, other craplosions, other whatever….. It’s always something.

Wordful Wednesday

2010-09-15T22:48:00.001-04:00

A day for the record books! August 5, 2010 brought a bundle of emotions as we enjoyed a beautiful day at the Coast Guard Festival. Pure bliss, excitement, and even a few tears overwhelmed us as we witnessed Logan riding a carnival ride all ALONE for the very first time!

An added bonus was seeing Logan and his little brother, Leviathan, being able to share a ride. It means a great deal to finally see them be able to do something together. A very beautiful and rewarding moment! So stinkin’ PROUD!

You’re Invited….

2010-04-15T22:27:00.002-04:00

….to a FREE Children’s Clinic!

Children with special needs are experiencing transformational changes with this remarkable approach to treatment.

The Anat Baniel Method (ABM) is based on cutting edge scientific theory of neuroplasticity and understanding of how our brain learns and transforms our body. This is a non-traditional approach to addressing challenges in a child’s ability to learn. It asks children to move only in ways that are within their true capabilities creating a feeling of safety. This rewires the brain for success, enabling the child to move with ease and less effort, improving their physical, mental, and emotional abilities.

The Anat Baniel Method is particularly useful in children with the following conditions:

Cerebral Palsy
Down Syndrome
Stroke
Genetic Disorders
Brachial Plexus Injury
ADD & Learning Disabilities
Scoliosis
Torticollis
Autism
Developmental Delays
Hypotonia

Reserve a space for your child to receive a free introductory Anat Baniel Method lesson. Find out what a difference this new work can make in the life of a child with special needs.

When and where?

Saturday May 1, 2010

10:00 am – 4:00 pm

Brains LLP

3351 Eagle Run Drive NE

Grand Rapids, MI 49525

Registration required. To register, please call Rene’ 616.364.4957 or Amy 269.330.2019.

For more information about the Anat Baniel Method visit www.anatbanielmethod.com.

Expect The Unexpected

2010-04-14T23:21:00.002-04:00

One of Logan’s greatest gifts to me has been one of many life lessons….. Do not take ANYTHING for granted, especially the smaller, finer things in life. Today was yet another reminder of just that.

After his ABM session this morning, I was changing his shirt when something miraculous happened. With my help to get his arms out of his sleeves and with his shirt just around his neck, he was able to pull the shirt over his head and completely off!

This my friends, is an AMAZING feat! It is the first time ever for Logan to accomplish this and it literally brought me to tears. Way to go Yogi! As usual, saying I’m proud is an understatement. Never know what you are going to do next.

Of course, I didn’t have my camera readily available for the Kodak moment this morning. However, Logan showed off to his Gram and Pops later this evening and I was prepared. Check him out. That’s my boy!

Man Alive, Look Who’s Five!

2010-04-06T22:51:00.002-04:00

I can hardly believe it! Master Logan celebrates his 5th birthday today! I’ve contemplated on and off writing out exactly how honored and blessed I am to have been given such a miraculous gift from God. Honestly, I don’t know how to translate these emotions into words. Where do I find words powerful enough and worthy of describing Logan?

Happy Birthday Son! You are my hero!

Wordful Wednesday

2010-03-31T23:47:00.002-04:00

Nothing like waiting until the last minute for a ‘WW’ post. When I came across these pictures, I couldn’t help but chuckle. It was imperative to share. Without further ado, I give you Leviathan….

How’s that for an oxymoron? Taking a bath to get dirty??? Gotta love it!

Greater Than Great

2010-03-30T13:27:00.002-04:00

What’s greater than great? When someone takes it upon themselves and offers to do something wonderful for someone else. That’s just what Rocio from Mami Picture did. She applied her talent and creativity to Logan’s blog and gave it a splendid makeover! Isn’t it adorable?

A tremendous thank you to you, Rocio! It was so nice of you to be so nice to me! You are appreciated!

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2010-03-25T12:33:00.002-04:00

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This message has been constructed and construed by Leviathan. A very happy, crazy little beast!

Picking Your Battles

2010-03-14T23:27:00.001-04:00

There are moments I want to seriously kick my own ass. Putting Logan through this sleep study was no exception. It would be nice to get some answers to Logan’s bizarre sleeping habits, but what if there is nothing to conclude? Then I subjected my precious angel to pure torment for zilch, nada, nothing.

How traumatizing was it? Oh, let’s see. It started with one band around his chest and another around his belly. Two leads on his chest and two leads on each leg. More crap on his face and at least 15 wires on his head. Not pictured is the tubing that was taped across his face and went in his nose and over his upper lip so they can determine if he is a nose or mouth breather. The screaming started after the first placing of the chest band and escalated there after. The episode continued for nearly an hour later.

My boy was so worked up from crying that he had a gagging/choking fit. For everyone’s sake, I’ll exclude all intricate details of that horrifying ordeal. I had figured that his sensory processing disorder was in extreme overload, hence the intense crying. Boy oh boy, was I wrong! Check out the red mark near his hair line…. He was BURNED!

Burned by an electrode. You see, his screaming and crying wasn’t just because. It wasn’t just a case of sensory overload. He was in pain! He was being burned and he had absolutely NO WORDS to tell me! And people wonder why I have a bleeding ulcer!

I called to notify the department that he was burned and it was swollen the size of a nickel. I received a message back stating ‘sorry to hear that….keep it dry and clean….follow up with his pediatrician….’ Redonkulous!!! This response blows my mind! For sanity reasons, I’m not going to even go there.

Lesson learned: pick your battles! What ever is to come next…. a test, study, scan, what have you…. there will be some deep inner debate to determine trauma vs value of results. Sometimes the results aren’t worth the horrifying experience. Nearly five years later, I should know this.

Never Gets Old

2010-03-12T23:25:00.002-05:00

I know I’ve said this plenty times before, and I seriously doubt this will be the last…. I LOVE Logan’s laughter! It truly IS music, schweet music!

Wordful Wednesday

2010-02-17T22:34:00.002-05:00

Logan Joseph, four and a half years old, growing up way too fast! This years school photo was taken in October 2009. He is sitting up so beautifully. I’m so proud of him and all his hard work. I love him to bits!

No Catchy Title

2010-02-13T23:10:00.002-05:00

What is it this time? What’s my ~~excuse~~ reason for disappearing now? The main reason…. no internet. Kinda hard to keep up when I had no access to the world wide web for three weeks. I will admit, it was mildly painful. Amazing what one will sacrifice to save a few bucks. So, that situation is finally settled and now I’m back.

I’m going to be working on getting some photos uploaded into my computer and get some things updated. I have lots to share, so please bare with me while I find my groove. It shouldn’t take long.

Audible & Applausable

2010-01-11T23:21:00.002-05:00

I have no recorded or documented proof to share, but I just LOVE that Logan snorts and farts from laughing so hard. It’s the best.

A Laughing Matter

2010-01-10T23:43:00.002-05:00

I sure would like to know what is so funny in the dark at 12:20 in the morning!

A Later Date

2010-01-04T23:02:00.002-05:00

Time to reveal the results….

Logan had a psychological evaluation on December 7, 2009. The technique used to assess his cognitive functioning was the Mullen Scales of Early Learning. Based on this evaluation, it was determined that Logan’s overall functioning is estimated to lie within the severely cognitively impaired range. Let’s take a look at his scores in comparison to his prior evaluation on December 8, 2006.

Using the same exact method of testing, here are the numbers:

-Visual Reception Skills: 15 month level in ‘06

13 month level in ‘09

-Fine Motor Skills: 12 month level in ‘06

12 month level in ‘09

-Receptive Language Skills: 14 month level in ‘06

9 month level in ‘09

-Expressive Language Skills: 12 month level ‘06

6 month level ‘09

It was noted that his ‘overall functioning is lower than results obtained at Logan’s last evaluation in 2006’. After looking at the above numbers, that is very obvious. Logan went from a Physically Impaired (PI) status to Severe Multiple Impairment (SXI). I completely understand that a label is a label and they should be saved for soup cans, however, I’m not gonna lie and say it doesn’t hurt on so many levels.

As for the Autism testing…. It’s all a bit confusing. To me, at least. I was told that Logan does not have Autism. Great. However, it is stated in the report that he has deficits in the areas of sensory, communication, and social interactions. That statement leaves me wondering how much is Logan’s ‘deficit’ and how big does a ‘deficit’ have to be before it’s considered Autism. Hmmm….

Today is history, tomorrow is a mystery.

Be Brief, Be Gone

2009-12-13T21:17:00.002-05:00

Chaos has had a strangle hold on me as of late. My absence in blog land is due to several issues. Starting with an over abundance of unwelcomed and lingering illnesses. Logan was out of commission for two weeks straight with an upper respiratory infection and strep throat. That was barely a month after his nasty, horrid sinus infection. I was unlucky enough to catch bronchitis. Within that mix, it was inevitable that Levi caught a strand of something. Unlike Logan, it is much easier for him to kick any bug to the curb. It’s been such a vicious circle, but we are all on the mend.

I hesitate to even mention it, but it is very much a part of my life…. marital not so bliss equals separation. It’s been extremely consuming of what left over emotions I do have from taking care of a special needs child. Which brings me to the latest with Logan.

Logan has had his psych evaluation and went from being labeled as physical impairment to severe multiple impairment (SXI). Plus, he was recently tested for autism. Tomorrow is his IEP and I will find out all the results and exactly what it means. This is no picnic. Will elaborate at a later date.

Wordful Wednesday

2009-11-18T22:52:00.001-05:00

One little brother, two cousins, and an over abundance of dead leaves equals endless hours of fun and exploration.

Cute As A Button

2009-11-02T23:53:00.000-05:00

The BARD button has been a part of Logan’s life for over three years now. It is very much a love hate relationship, much like cerebral palsy. I love and have learned to appreciate that he is able to get all necessary nutrients and medicines he needs to thrive. On the flip side, I hate that it is mostly responsible for taking all interest away from Logan wanting to eat or drink anything orally. I won’t place all the blame on his tube as I’m sure his dysphagia has a lot to do with it as well.

Oh, and lets not forget about the pain and discomfort it has brought over the years. Can you even imagine having that ripped out of your stomach and having another forced in every time it goes faulty? It breaks my heart each and every time he has to undergo that torment. There is no telling how much longer this feeding tube will be a part of Logan and our daily routine that is constantly under going revisions.

What Is A Miracle?

2009-10-29T00:31:00.001-04:00

A miracle is….

…. not feeling ping pong ball sized knots every time we touch Logan’s calf muscles and knowing he is no longer in severe pain from those long lost knots (finally!).

…. watching his legs, in pure amazement, dangle at the knees when I pick him up from beneath his thighs. I used to be able to push doors open with his feet because he was so extremely tight and stiff as a board that his legs would not bend as I held him.

…. realizing that it is the brain that controls spasticity, not muscles. I am witnessing first hand how it is possible to overcome and help control spasticity without painful surgeries and poisonous Botox injections.

…. hearing Logan produce more sounds with intent to communicate rather than just noise. He’s been making more and more consonant sounds and actually putting two or more together as if to say his first word.

…. noticing how relaxed his toes are. Unless he was sleeping, his poor little piggies used to be scrunched up so tight and were even tighter when touched by anyone. Now, they are super relaxed even when being socialized!

…. getting overly excited when he picks up and actually plays with a toy!!! Previously, he showed very little to no interest in toys. He’d maybe look at it briefly and only touch it to move it out of his way. Now, he’s wanting to play and enjoys it!

…. dropping your jaw to the floor after seeing him being able to use his limbs individually instead of as a unit because his brain is learning to differentiate.

…. feeling your heart skip a beat as you witness Logan ‘seeing’ his little brother, Leviathan, for the very first time.

…. being overwhelmed with utter joy watching as your son has become aware of his surroundings and he his noticing the people around him. His eye contact has improved drastically.

…. seeing the enormous boost in his self confidence! His posture is better, he can sit up longer, he can twist his body at the hips, he can sit Indian style, and boy oh boy, he is lightening quick.

…. looking into your sons eyes as you’ve done so many times before, and being consumed in an instant with so much emotion that your nearly gasping because with out one single word, he looks at you differently, as if he’s piercing your soul, and tells you how incredibly HAPPY he is!!!

Our abundance of miracles don’t stop here. Logan is experiencing so many superb transformations, I can’t possible list them all. No words can express how meaningful it has been to see Logan ‘awaken’ into his body and come out of his own world to join ours. We credit our blessings to our Heavenly Father God for guiding us and giving us the Anat Baniel Method. It’s forever changed our lives.

A Coincidence Or Not?

2009-10-19T23:56:00.000-04:00

I’m afraid not. Call me crazy, but I don’t believe in coincidences. What I do believe is that certain things happen for a reason. Though there are times I may never know the exact reason, there is definitely purpose. My perfect example is how Logan and I get involved with ABM.

Several months ago, I was given a link to the Anat Baniel Method website by Logan’s superb teacher (we love you Moe!). As I researched the wealth of information available on Anat’s site, I began to absorb it into my sponge of a brain. I decided it was well worth looking into finding a local practitioner for Logan. At that time, the nearest certified ABM practitioner was in Saginaw, a three hour drive from my house. I had hemmed and hawed at the idea and decided it was just too far of a drive and left it at that.

As time went by, I found myself putting my nose into more and more research. It was during that time I got real serious about taking a plunge into Euro-Peds. Serious to the point that I sent them $1000 bucks to put Logan’s name on their waiting list. I already had our dates of service scheduled and was finalizing each and every minor detail. Then along came my mother with a story that put this on hold.

A story of a sister of a gal that works with my mom, whom has two kids (how’s that for vague? I know, but I really could go on forever). To this day, I’m unsure of the kids' exact diagnosis, not that it matters anyway, but I was able to relate after hearing about the mother’s experiences prior to ABM sessions. After hearing how effective ABM has been for her children, I was inspired and decided to take another peek on Anat’s website.

Unlike my previous attempt to find a local practitioner, I was given a ‘HERE’S YOUR SIGN!’. I was blown away to find Rene', a certified ABM practitioner located in Grand Rapids. Only 35 miles away from home. I knew right then and there it was time to shove this ABM door wide open and charge through. Logan and I did just that. Having Rene' in our life is a true blessing and was surely meant to be. Every aspect was intentional and there is no coincidence about it. The miracles are abundant…..

My Version

2009-10-16T22:36:00.001-04:00

2 roundtrip airfare to San Francisco = $990.
Minivan rental for 11 days = $959.
11 nights stay at Best Western = $1,343.
12 Anat Baniel Method sessions = $2,880.

Logan’s ability to initiate climbing onto furniture with his left leg…. PRICELESS!!!

I Heart Faces

2009-09-27T23:07:00.006-04:00

This capture was one of the first photos that came to my mind for the ‘Blue’ theme at I Heart Faces this week. While I was finalizing my decision to use this photo (too many to choose from), I was doing some editing. I began to whiten his teeth and dewrinkle his lips. In midst of doing so, I had a thought….

Why the heck am I editing this? Sure, it’d probably make for a smoother and brighter finish, however those features are a part of who Logan is. Due to his inability to eat and drink anything by mouth, what you see is bound to happen. No matter how much chap stick I slather on, no matter how much water goes through his feeding tube, no matter how often I am able to brush his teeth, these side effects of not being able to use his mouth as it is intended just won’t go away. Anyone know of a chap stick or lip balm that takes moisturizing to a new level? We’ve tried dozens and always looking for something new to try.

A Thousand Words Thursday

2009-09-24T00:07:00.003-04:00

While we were in California for my little brother’s wedding, it was the first time I have seen my dad in sixteen very long years. Can you tell who’s my dad and who’s my uncle?

I’m rather a bag of mixed emotions as far as how to feel about my dad. More than anything, I am hurt and disappointed that he has missed out on half of my existence. My feelings from this experience dwell so deep and are very complex. A piece of my heart has been broken.

However, life is too short to hold a grudge. It’s never too late to mend that broken piece of heart. Together, my father and I can do just that. As long as we remember that the past has passed and there is always tomorrow.

I Heart Faces

2009-09-21T23:07:00.012-04:00

My little love bug. So cute I wanna squish him! Take a peek at more completely candid shots at I Heart Faces.

Week In Review

2009-09-20T23:57:00.000-04:00

What a crazy week it was. To say Logan and I were busy is purely an understatement. It was nothing but go, go, go.

To start the week, first up was ABM therapy at 11:00 am. This was our third session and what a great one it was. After therapy, we ran over to his 1:15 pm appointment with his neurodevelopment team. After the typical three hour appointment, it was determined that Logan will start a new formula. Out with Nutren Jr. with fiber and in with Kid Essentials with fiber. He’s a growing boy in need of many more calories. Other than that, I was told to keep doing what I’m doing. I have to admit, that really is quite comical. Like I need to sit in a room for three hours to have people recommend that I continue to do what I do. Com’mon, really? Although I’d love to voice my frustrations on that whole ordeal, I’ll just leave it at that. Otherwise I’ll never get done with this post.

As for Tuesday, if my memory serves me right…. I didn’t send Logan to school that morning. I figured another day off wouldn’t hurt as he was still overcoming his congestion from that nasty sinus ordeal. By the way, he is doing fabulous! Nearly done with all that mess now. What I do remember is that we had a neurologist appointment at 1:15 that afternoon. It was just a routine check up to make sure all is well, and that it is. Logan is to continue taking his Clonazepam for his mixed tone and anxiety. Other than that, he is to be seen in another nine months unless needed before hand.

Hump day started off with another session of ABM therapy at 9 am. It was session number four to be exact. The results thus far are stupendous. Even though Logan was upset and crying, I have never, allow me to stress on NEVER, seen him so relaxed while receiving therapy. Truly amazing! After therapy, Gram and I dropped Logan off at school only to realize the kiddos had a short day. A couple of hours of class time are better than none.

Thursday was all sorts of crazy. An ABM session at 9 am to begin our morning. After therapy we headed over to Logan’s pediatrician’s office. I had to drop off some paperwork and get signatures to allow Logan to receive medicine and therapy while he is at school. While I was there I figured I better make an appointment for the boys to get their flu shots. Gotta admit, I’m not looking forward to that visit. Next on the agenda was his first appointment with his pulmonologist at 2:30 pm. Due to Logan’s somewhat bizarre sleeping habits and his underlying history, he is to have a sleep study done. We are in the midst of getting the procedure scheduled. Hoping it will give us some answers to many questions. In the mean time, we are to start him back on Flonase. Hoping this will help reduce snoring and help him breathe easier. We will see.

To end the week, Logan and I started off with an errand. We were headed to Grand Rapids for his sixth session of ABM at 9:30 am. With all the construction going on, I over estimated our ETA and with time to spare we headed over to Pediatric Orthotic Specialists to get his left DAFO insert replaced. The darn thing was leaving nasty indentations on his ankle if not placed exactly right. After the last accidental incident, it was enough of that. It was overdue for a replacement. So we dropped that off, went to ABM, and returned to the Specialists afterwards to retrieve the insert. I was able to get Logan to school by 11:30. A bit late for his regimen tube feeding, but I was able to stay and ‘feed’ him lunch. This was a great opportunity for me to visit with his teacher and parapros and catch up on much needed business. Gosh, now that I think about it…. two short days out of five school days? What kind of track record is that?

Now that I’ve written another chapter into this book of Logan’s Life, I want to say thank you all for your support and understanding. I’ve not been the blogging fool I prefer to be, but life easily gets in the way.

Near Miss

2009-09-11T23:42:00.000-04:00

In my shorts that is. Yes, I nearly crapped my pants this morning. It all started at or near 5:20 am when I was awaken by a very disturbing noise. A noise that I’ve not ever heard before. The only thing I knew, at that second, was that it was coming from Logan’s room and I had to get in there quick. When I did, panic mode set in. The word scared doesn’t even cut it!

There lay Logan in his bed gasping for air. No kidding, he was coughing, gagging, gasping rapidly and repeatedly in that order. I immediately picked him up in hopes to help clear his airway. He wasn’t improving. In fact, his face was red and his little heart was racing. Being that my mom is an RN and works in Emergency at our local hospital, I made two phone calls to family, no answer. At 5:27 am I frantically dialed 911.

With Logan in my arms, I stepped outside barefoot in my jammies and waited for the ambulance to arrive. In the few minutes it took for their arrival, Logan had managed to calm down a bit and breathe more regularly. There wasn’t a huge lapse in time before we hopped up into the AMR and we were on our way to DeVos Children’s Hospital.

On the way, Logan’s condition improved drastically. He was no longer gagging or gasping. Just a cough here and there. The medic had listened to his lungs and stated that he sounded very raspy and weezy. Through most of the ride, Logan was very relaxed and very sleepy. Then at one point, as if to tell me everything was okay, he turned his head to look at me and smiled. My heart fluttered!

Once at the hospital, Logan was a bit worked up with his stats being taken and just too many people in his space at once. Through his crying the doctor was able to determine that Logan has a case of Croup. Dagnabit, where the heck did he catch this virus? Logan’s dad, Chad, ended up meeting us there and brought our supplies for Logan’s feeding tube. The nurses were then able to administer a steroid via his tube to reduce the swelling in his airway. At that point, we were ready to head home.

It was a rather quite day for Logan. In fact, he was in bed sleeping by 5:45 this evening. Trying to catch up on much needed rest. Unfortunately, he did wake up about a half hour ago. Now, his sinuses are overly stuffed and he his gaggy from the drainage. I sat him up and he was able to have a very successful sneeze to get rid of some of the snot. Gross, eh? After venting his tummy, a feeding and some Tylenol to help relieve any pressure, it was back to bed. Hopefully he’ll sleep sound for the rest of the night. He really needs it. Knocking on wood….

A Thousand Words Thursday

2009-09-10T01:12:00.002-04:00

Alright, so this post is over a month past due in the making and I’m kicking my own ass for that. This is a day I’ll never forget. The day I got to meet Daniel from better than normal. A magnificent boy that stole my heart without permission. Not only did I get to meet him, but also his beautiful, strong willed mother, Melanie. Without a doubt, friends for life.

One of the reasons I hold Daniel so near and dear to my heart, besides his natural charm, good looks, and amazing personality, is because he reminds me so much of Logan. They share so much in common, and unfortunately one of those things is cerebral palsy. But never mind that, the courage, the strength, and all that unsaid that these boys possess would amaze David Copperfield. It’s that magical!

On a personal note, Melanie, I hope you know how much you are loved and appreciated. I am blessed to have you in my life. I thank you for your knowledge, support, creativity, passion, and determination. You are as much of an inspiration as the son you have raised. I heart you!

Day One

2009-09-09T23:57:00.000-04:00

So much to say, how do I even know where to start? First and fore most, I must rave about Logan’s ABM practitioner, Rene. She’s all that and a cinnamon glazed doughnut with a caramel frappe!!! Seriously, she is the sweetest thing and so in tune to Logan and his needs. Her patience and understanding of what he has been through speaks a lot without saying anything at all. I really can’t praise her enough.

As for the actual ABM session, I’m still in complete awe of the principles and ideals behind this therapy. I can’t possibly find the right words to explain it in order to give it any sort of justice. This method is unlike any traditional physical therapy. The movements used are extremely gentle, unlike conventional stretching. Not to say that stretching is a bad thing, but in Logan’s case, it’s a different story. Regular stretching has had a negative effect in Logan behaviorally. When you add his spasticity into the mix, it’s easy to go no where fast with stretching. I can elaborate if there is need.

Besides the gentle movements, the fact that he will learn new ways to move his body with intent will make a world of difference. Rene mentioned that there will be times he resorts to his old ways, but once he gets used to feeling better with these new movements, he will use them more consistently and eventually overcome his old ways, which are mainly all controlled by his spasticity.

As his brain gains new pathways of communication to his muscles, ABM will slowly unwrap (my precious gift) and reveal his potential. You know, it’s easy to get overly excited and let my head float with the clouds. However, I am staying grounded. I’m not expecting for Logan to come out of ABM walking and talking. I just truly believe this can only help not hinder him. We are just getting started in tapping into who he really is and I have no words to describe how good that feels.

Pushed Aside

2009-09-08T15:48:00.001-04:00

Yet, not forgotten. If a few of you happen to remember my past rants and raves about Euro-Peds, the intensive physical therapy clinic, I just wanted to mention this.

Euro-Peds is still very much a go. However, it has been placed on the back burner. After much consideration and helpful insight, it was decided that it is important for Logan to get as much ABM under his belt before he attends Euro-Peds.

Hopefully with the ABM, he will be able to learn how to move his body with intent, along with many other beneficial aspects. If he is able to achieve this through ABM, then Euro-Peds will be that much more effective and successful for him. He will be able to go there and have a better understanding of what to do with the input he receives from Suit Therapy. Not sure exactly when, but Euro-Peds is still in our future. This makes so much sense in my head. I just hope I was able to explain it the way it sounds in my think tank.

One last thought as it passes through…. The Anat Baniel Method is not exclusive to cerebral palsy. It is also available to adults looking for over all pain relief and anti-aging agents. It is also available to children coping with Autism, ADD & Learning Disabilities, Scoliosis, etc, etc. Just a thought.

Exploring All Avenues

2009-09-07T23:44:00.001-04:00

Let it be known, I’m continuously researching and exploring all avenues to help improve Logan’s quality of life. After hours upon hours of reading and investigating, I’ve found a new avenue for us to travel. It’s called the Anat Baniel Method.

Also referred to as ABM, it is a therapy in which “the practitioner uses gentle, innovative techniques to help the brain of the special needs child form new neural connections and patterns that take the child beyond their current limitations.” While ABM helps rewire the brain, it’s also known to help the child move with intent and not letting spasticity control the child’s every movement.

Logan receives his first session this Wednesday with a certified ABM practitioner through Brains in Grand Rapids. He’ll receive three sessions this week and three next week. After that we are splurging and taking another trip to California October 2nd through the 10th. We are heading (by airplane) to the ABM Center in San Rafael for seven days of two per day sessions with a senior practitioner. The excitement has set in and I can’t wait!

However, with this comes an overwhelming to-do list. Hotel, airfare, car rental reservations, financing, scheduling with the practitioner and all the unmentioned in betweens. Blech, so much to do! In the end, if this helps Logan in the most miniscule way, it will be completely worth it!

Sixteen Days Later

2009-09-06T23:04:00.001-04:00

After driving 5,636 miles, at last we are home! Our traveling endeavor started August 20th and ended in the very early hours of September 5th. The clan, which included Gram, Nana, Auntie Marmee, Logan, Levi and myself, all piled into Yogi’s Wheels and headed west. What was the special occasion? My little brother, aka Uncle Abe, married his beautiful bride, Chrissy, on August 29th.

It took us four days to reach our rental house in San Diego. Once there, we spent about seven days enjoying the weather and more importantly all the family that had gathered for this memorable union of one. The ceremony and reception was absolutely beautiful. It was such a pleasure to be a part of Abraham and Chrissy’s wedding. Congrats and God’s blessings to you both!

Our ride home is a different story. First day back on the road and we just made it into Utah at dusk. We ended up spending two fabulous days in this gorgeous state. We took our time and visited Zion, Bryce, Capital Reef, and Arches National Parks. The scenery was absolutely breath taking. Never knew Utah is such a stunning state. Two days later we finally arrived home in the wee hours of Saturday morning. Easy to say that I’m not looking forward to getting back into the van anytime soon.

I must say, the boys were amazing travelers. Of course they had their moments. After all, they are only two and four years old. A fit or two is expected. Other than the very few outburst of frustration and exhaustion, they did marvelous.

Here are just a few photos to tide you over until I complete my slide show. Hopefully it won’t take me weeks and weeks to get it done. I hope…

Under the Radar

2009-08-26T11:30:00.001-04:00

August has been nothing less than hectic. My absence in the blog world truly isn’t due to lack of content, rather the lack of time. My apologies to you all. PLEASE, stay tuned for there is a plethora of information to share. I’m hoping next month I’m able to find my groove. Thanks for your patience and understanding!

Nobody Knows

2009-07-28T23:05:00.001-04:00

I’m itching to get something off my chest . It’s one of those irritating itches that no matter how many times you scratch it or gouge at it, it just doesn’t go away. Yes, it’s been persistently nagging me and it’s time to let it go. Not caring if a single soul reads this or not, I’m getting it out there to be done with it.

Doctors…. why is it that some, let me emphasize on not all, but some doctors think they know what is best for your child? No matter what you say or how you say it, it doesn’t really matter cause in the end it is their opinion that counts.

It exhausts me mentally to have to try my darnest to sell myself to these professionals for them to understand that I do have a clue what I am talking about. Yet no matter what I say, it still isn’t good enough. I mean, who knows Logan better than me? Anyone??? Nobody knows him the way I do, so why can’t my word be good enough? Instead I leave feeling like a big old piece of hot rotten garbage. Then I start second guessing myself as if I’m not doing right by my son. It’s hurtful, frustrating, and ~~almost~~ degrading when a doctor tells me she needs documented proof to determine if what I’m trying to say is valid. Ouch!

Sorry if I lost you in my rambling. I realize this probably comes off as really vague, but I really don’t want to get into specifics here. It is not my intent to slander or devalue any doctor. This is not the first and surely not the last time this has happened. I’m simply beyond frustrated and felt compelled to voice it. I needed a release and to know that I’m not the only one that feels this way. Am I?

The Good And The Better

2009-07-27T23:06:00.001-04:00

Alright, so our consultation for the PERC lengthening surgery was a week ago from today. Time to get down into the nitty gritty and spill the beans.

Logan is not a candidate for PERC at this time. The doctor said that Yogi is indeed tight, but not tight enough. Doc also mentioned that the very first time a kiddo has this surgery, it’s the most beneficial and highly effective when the patient is spastic to the extremes (wow, that’s tight!). Thankfully, Logan isn’t there yet. This is good and it gets better. This means he doesn’t have to endure nor experience any pain from another surgery. Plus, he isn’t tight enough that he is contracted. In other words, he can stand up straight when supported. All good news from that perspective.

On the flip side, it stinks. Logan still has to struggle in his battle against spasticity every day. Seeing him unable to do the things he desires to do because his body won’t let him continues to bash me into pulp. I could go in a million directions here, and I’m fighting to stick to the course…

PERCS will be something to drag out of the closet and look at again in a couple to few years. In the meantime, it’s time to shut that door and open another. It’s time for Euro-Peds, an intensive physical therapy clinic for children with cerebral palsy. Our dates are set. We begin this two week journey on September 21 and run with it until October 2. We are hoping this $6,000 treatment will help boost Logan’s mobility and help manage his spasticity. Who knows what else this can bring. We are game.

Thrill Of The Race

2009-07-21T23:34:00.000-04:00

Saturday, July 18 was the BIG event. It was Logan’s first triathlon with the superb charity, myTEAM TRIUMPH. I’m at loss for words to describe just how phenomenal the experience was.

The mTT directors, volunteers, athletes, and Logan’s personal Angels are absolutely and truly amazing. The respect, dedication, and love they all have for these special needs children is breath taking and goose pimple worthy. I could honestly rant and rave about the entire organization all day. We are so blessed to be a part of their team.

Without any further delay, here’s my montage of our memorable day.

Little Guy Levi

2009-07-14T23:36:00.000-04:00

Featuring Leviathan as himself. I get barrels of laughs and some of the best live entertainment on a daily basis with this boy. Here he is at 26 months old singing one of his favorite songs.

For Crying Out Loud

2009-07-13T23:03:00.001-04:00

Something truly amazing happened yesterday. First let me paint the scenario. There were five of us sitting in the middle of the living room floor. Here’s my pathetic attempt of a visual. It’s obviously not to scale, but you get the idea. The four of us, unknowingly at the time, are basically boxing in Logan, who is laying down on the floor.

Gram and Jason were carrying on a conversation with something to do about late night shows and who is hosting what. Not quite for certain as I was trying to decipher what Levi was whining about. Generally, Levi talks very well, but this time around he was asking for something we did not officially give a name to (a musical snow globe). Levi began to get louder and louder while growing impatient with me because I was struggling to figure out what he wanted off of the top of the entertainment center. In the meantime, Jason is talking louder to talk over Levi. This entire time, the TV was blaring music during the credits of Madagascar 2….

All of a sudden, as quick as a flash came a loud, shrilling scream from Logan. In that very instant, Gram rushed to turn down the music as we sat there with our jaws to the floor in pure amazement! Logan had screamed as if to tell us ‘SHUT UP!!’ and it was AWESOME! Right away, Logan resumed to his normal self. He was pleased to finally have some peace and quite.

Our apologies immediately went to Logan. We quickly realized that we were extremely rude. We had not given him appropriate space and to top it off we had created way too much noise that he didn’t need to be in the middle of. Logan deserves respect and we were being disrespectful. For that we were very sorry.

Even though Logan has no verbal words to express himself, he can still communicate. It can be very difficult trying to understand what he wants and trying to figure out what he needs. However, he made it very clear to us last night and we praised him for doing so!

Not So Distant Future

2009-07-08T23:24:00.000-04:00

I’m counting down the days to July 18. It’ll be here quick enough, but I can’t wait! It’s going to be a day like we’ve never experienced before. Logan will be participating in Tri Del Sol, his first ever triathlon! I’m just a wee bit excited! Can you tell?

This is all made possible by myTEAM TRIUMPH (mTT), a superb charity inspired by Team Hoyt. If you’ve not heard of Team Hoyt, please take five minutes and watch this. MyTEAM TRIUMPH makes it possible for people of all ages with disabilities to experience the thrill of the race. In short, Logan is the 'Captain’ and the athletes pushing and pulling him are his ‘Angels’. I can’t possibly say enough about the entire mTT organization. They are nothing less than phenomenal.

On July 5th we had a practice run. The experience was truly amazing. We can’t wait for the real deal. Want a peek of what’s to come? Check out these videos and a couple of photos.

Hog Wild

2009-07-04T22:57:00.001-04:00

Happy Independence Day!

A day full of good times and Harley rides! On Friday, we spent a great portion of the day outside. The sunshine was abundant and we were loving it. We definitely took advantage of the beautiful weather and soaked in the warm rays. Here’s a video and a couple of photos of Pops giving the boys, Momma, and Gram a joy ride. What fun it was!

Patiently Waiting

2009-07-02T23:54:00.006-04:00

I’m not even going to pretend I know everything, because I most certainly do not and will never claim to. However, there is something I do know for certain. Logan will be attending Euro-Peds, an intense physical therapy clinic in Pontiac. Although every detail is not yet set in stone, it will happen.

The biggest unknown is when. When will it be Logan’s turn? A few weeks ago, I sent in $1000 smackaroos which reserved his spot on their waiting list. I was told that we may have to wait until this fall to get our opportunity to reap the benefits of their services. On the other hand, if we find out that Logan is indeed a candidate for the PERC lengthening surgery, the Euro-Peds team already stated that they will get Logan in after his surgery for some kick butt rehab. That is key! Talk about putting a child’s best interests at hand! They are proving to me that they do just that!

Regardless if Logan has surgery or not, he is going to Euro-Peds. He’s going to do it and he will like it! Ha, sorry I couldn’t resist the urge to role play in that instant. It was funnier in my head. Moving on…. I believe it is the next path we are to travel. If PERC is a go, Euro-Peds could not come at a better time. Intense rehabilitation after a surgery of this nature is highly beneficial. Other wise, it’ll be a prime opportunity for him to gain another boost in his mobility.

There’s just one down fall…. the expense. My goodness, five grand for two weeks? For real?! If we decide to participate in suit therapy, go ahead and make that six g’s. Shoot, if this clinic is what I hope it to be, let’s just do three weeks for seven or eight. The time frame is totally out of my hands. That will all depend on Logan and whether or not we can raise the funds. It’s very unfortunate that our insurance will not chip in even a little bit, for one reason or another. Let’s just hope our $15K surgery has better luck getting covered than Euro-Peds. *SIGH* It’s an awful shame that it will cost a small fortune just to better the quality of life for my son.

If you are able to help, even just a little itty bit, you’ve made a difference! Words can not possibly express our gratitude for helping making Euro-Peds a reality!

Wordful Wednesday

2009-07-01T16:00:00.002-04:00

What better way to tell you about Yogi’s last weekend than to show you with fun photos. When Chad picked Logan up on Friday evening, they headed straight to Grandma and Grandpa’s for a super fabulous visit. What a weekend is was. Just look at all the smiling faces!

On A Mission

2009-06-30T23:30:00.007-04:00

What’s the mission? To do what ever it takes to help reduce Logan’s spasticity. We’ve tried oral baclofen and Botox and received minimal relief from both treatments. The next method of attack is PERC lengthening. Here’s the deal…

PERC lengthening, an outpatient surgery, is a procedure that has been proven to help reduce spasticity in children with cerebral palsy. Basically, from my understanding, the doctor makes pin hole like incisions in the tendon which allows the muscle to stretch and lengthen. These small incisions are optimal for minimal scarring and assist with great recovery time. In Logan’s case, his hamstrings and calves are in dire need of these benefits.

As the days pass, the tightness in Logan’s muscles are becoming more evident. His spasticity is most noticeable when we walk him without wearing his DAFO’s. With each step, his heels are not completely touching the ground as they should. There are often times where he seems to tire out quickly from supported walking and his legs will some times scissor. While trying to pull and push himself into a stand, he is unable to get his legs under him. I’m placing majority of the blame on those daggone tendons. Lastly, there have way too many nights where I’ve felt a quarter sized knot in his calves.

I imagine those knots in his little legs being compared to the discomfort of a charlie horse. I don’t know about you, but from my experience those are rather painful. I always wonder how often Logan is experiencing these knots. Everyday? How am I to know? Believe it or not, Logan has a very high threshold for pain which makes it hard to decipher what the heck is going on. I hate to think that he has become custom to this pain and just deals with it daily. Could these muscle spasms be contributing to sleepless nights as well? So many questions with no answers.

July 20 is our consultation to see if Yogi is a candidate. Please, pretty please with some splenda on top, keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer that he is. Not that I want Logan to have to undergo more pain and discomfort, but in the long run, this could be extremely beneficial for the little man. Without spasticity, will he be able to walk independently? You never know….

Slightly Overlooked

2009-06-25T22:36:00.005-04:00

Good gravy, here’s something that should’ve been addressed, oh say, about two weeks ago from today. Anyone wanting to take a stab in the dark about the significance of June 11? Yes, it was the one year anniversary of Life of Logan! Woot woot!!!

I’m truly amazed than an entire year has already passed and I’ve had so much pleasure in sharing Logan’s story. I will admit, I have a love hate relationship with cerebral palsy. I love cerebral palsy for opening my eyes, giving me awareness and a whole new outlook on life. I love cerebral palsy for introducing and bringing so many ~~wonderful~~ bodaciously awesome people into my life that I would’ve never met otherwise. I love cerebral palsy for molding Logan into the amazing, beautiful, and all inspiring child he is.

On the flip side, I hate cerebral palsy. I hate that my child is unable to speak one word. I hate that he is unable to walk. I hate that he is unable to run, hop, skip, jump, and play with his little brother. I hate all the struggles and trials that it entails. I hate the pain and trauma he’s endured in his four years of life and will continue to experience for the rest of his life. I hate the toll cerebral palsy takes on our family, mentally and physically. The list never ends.…

However, as much as I despise cerebral palsy for ripping my heart into pieces, I love it dearly for providing me with countless people I'm blessed to call friends and a miracle child for mending those pieces back together.

A special thank you to all of Logan’s superheroes for making sharing his story so very rewarding! We love you!

Wordful Wednesday

2009-06-24T22:11:00.007-04:00

It’s rather silly, I’m already at loss for words to describe this past Saturday and I’ve not even started. How do I describe a moment that absolutely takes my breath away and puts tears of pure joy in my eyes? That is exactly what happened.

We were invited out to Diamond Lake by our beautiful and amazing friends, Dan and Maureen (Logan’s super fabulous teacher), to help celebrate their son’s sixth birthday. We were in awesome company with plenty of great eats and gorgeous weather. We could not have asked for a better time. Well, okay, minus the pesky blood sucking parasites and it would’ve been perfection.

We all gathered up and meandered through the campground. As we walked along the paved path, we checked out all the different lots available. It really is gorgeous property to camp. Towards the end of our stroll, we took a trail down to the lake. It was a bit of off roading for Logan in his wheelchair. You should have seen his smile. I believe it’s safe to assume he loves two tracking.

Once we were down to the lake, it wasn’t long before we were all in the water. At first I was holding Logan from under his arm pits, swaying his feet from side to side and jumping him up and down making quite the rukus. He was so daggone excited he couldn’t contain himself. He was squealing with pure excitement. As always, music to my ears. However, my back can only take so much after trying to hold up 36 pounds. I had to take a break and hand him over to Jason.

The next thing I knew, I could barely believe my eyes. Logan was sitting up in the water all on his own! Then he began to bunny hop through the shallows. He’d stop to sit, pick up sand and watch it run through his hands, splash water and continue on his way. It totally blew me away! Overwhelmed with joy, my eyes welled up with tears. If I think about what I’m saying, my reactions may sound a bit dramatic. However, that’s just it. One of the many things Logan has done for me… taught me to appreciate the most miniscule things in life!

What’s the Story?

2009-06-23T22:15:00.002-04:00

Yowsers, it’s been a long while since my last blog entry. Now that’s it’s been well over three weeks, where do I even begin? So much to say….

Let’s see. The first two weeks we missed were mainly due to illnesses. Yes, Logan was sick again. A nasty sinus infection which meant several sleepless, scary nights. Some where in between there, I ended up falling ill myself. Thankfully it was short lived, but none the less it was enough to put me out of commission for a few days.

Next is a personal issue that practically drained me of every ounce of emotion. Stressed out beyond belief, to say the least. Mentally, I had nothing left in me to give. I guess it’s safe to say it’s on the mend, I think. Let me just state for the record that this has absolutely nothing to do with Logan and I’ll leave it at that.

In addition, my mother and I have had many late nights searching the Internet looking for a vacation home in Southern California. My youngest brother, Abraham, is getting married in August. Therefore we are looking for a home to make our week vacation as close to perfect as we can get for Logan and Levi. What a pain in the neck it has become. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a home with carpet and a back yard in Cali? Good gravy! Thinking we have finally found our home to rent. Thank goodness because we are tired of looking. More to come there….

Other than the above, it’s been the usual busy, busy life that we have come custom to. Logan is in summer school, had a few appointments here and there and many more are scheduled. Levi is more than a handful. Always entertaining and worth a million laughs. Oh, and here’s one for the books. Yesterday was the first day ever that Logan had Levi pinned to the floor and was laying on top of him and he did it all by himself! How cool is that? I realize that doesn’t sound very nice to Levi, but no worries. Levi is better than okay. Besides, no one ever said pay backs were easy!

You’ll have to come back for more for I have tons of news and happenings to come….

A Thousand Words Thursday

2009-05-28T00:33:00.003-04:00

Fresh, hot off the press!! Check out these picture perfect photos of Logan in action. He has officially mastered his art of sitting up and pulling himself up into kneeling position. Another slap in cerebral palsy’s face. Saying I’m proud is truly an understatement!

Wordful Wednesday

2009-05-27T00:02:00.001-04:00

My little beast, Leviathan. Kiddo never fails at making me roar with laughter and leaving an ear to ear smile on my face. Tonight, that’s just what I needed.

Quick After Thought

2009-05-26T06:51:00.001-04:00

After yet another night of restlessness, I’m seriously guessing that Miralax may have absolutely nothing to do with Logan’s lack of sleeping abilities. Nothing at all. Being able to pin point the exact root cause is more than liking out of my hands. I’m clueless…

Sleep deprivation has officially pushed me over the edge into the pool of insanity. Need to find me some floaties to help keep me from sinking. GAH!!!

Trial & Error

2009-05-25T23:30:00.002-04:00

The last two out of three nights were easily summed up as sleepless nights for Logan and I. He was up screaming and crying again, but for a reason other than his ears. So I think. Here we go with another episode in the guess what’s wrong with me game…

As I assessed his situation, I noticed that he was pulling his knees up towards his chest and his clenched fists were pushing towards his pelvic bone. Then he’d kick his legs violently into his bed, but not without lashing me a few times. Understanding his frustrations, I brushed off the blunt hits as nothing and continued to talk to him. Although it proved useless, I tried my best to calm him. I just have to sit like a lump on a log and hope it passes quickly.

I went through the usually process of elimination. First thing that came to mind was to vent his stomach. In doing so, he had quite a bit of air that was released. I then made note that he’d cry out then stop, cry out then stop. All I could come up with was the thought that it may be something intestinal. From his crying pattern, it just seemed that he was in and out of pain as if something was passing through. That got the light bulb in my head flickering.

Logan’s been using Miralax since he was nine months old for his chronic case of constipation. He gets two teaspoons a day. I had been divvying up his doses into 1/2 teaspoons four times a day. It crossed my mind that maybe his last dose before bed may be factoring into his discomfort. Time to try something new…

I decided to combine his doses into two instead of four. He was to get one teaspoon at 7 am and 4 pm, instead of 1/2 at 7 am, 11am, 4pm, and 7pm. Whoa nelly!!! Time for a plan ‘b’. I found out the stinky, messy way that lumping his last two doses isn’t going to work. How’d I find out? Do you really want to know?

Of course, the very second I’m away to do something for myself is the very second something goes wrong. This evening, I walked back into Logan’s bedroom where he was chillaxin’ on his floor. Poop was everywhere! No joke! I’m talking all over himself, the carpet, his bed, pillow, and comforter. Oh me, oh my, can you say steam cleaner? Since the incident, it’s been brewing in my head how to fix the dosages. I realize my error, and to err is human. If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again…

Rolling With The Punches

2009-05-19T23:57:00.005-04:00

It's been a rather bumpy road the past two weeks. Very comparable to an old wooden roller coaster that tends to jerk you back and forth, side to side. It's been difficult and rather irritating trying to figure out precisely what's going on with Logan.

It started almost two weeks ago. His right ear drum ruptured, again. Along with it came another infection. He was put on amoxicillin. Exactly one week later, we were back at his pediatrician's office. A week of antibiotics proved to not be enough. His left ear had become infected. Off with the amoxicillin, on with augmentin. Lots and lots of sleepless nights, nasty fevers, and rough days at school. We are ready to get off this roller coaster now! Maybe his ENT can shed some light when we visit June 3.

Then the baclofen wean started five days ago. Wondering how much of his fussiness is due to possible withdrawals. I hate to admit it, but it's times like these that I question whether or not I'm doing right by Logan. I'd like to say yes, but how do I know for sure? Logan can not speak one word. That in itself has to be more frustrating than Chinese handcuffs. I mean, the boy can't even tell me what he needs or wants. Hate is such a strong word, but I gotta tell ya, I hate this communication barrier and the guessing games that come with it. Since we're on the topic, I hate cerebral palsy.

I'm assuming that these past couple of weeks are mainly due to his ears and not the baclofen withdrawals. After all, he's been in a funk a week prior to starting the wean, so that shouldn't be it, right? Help me out, will you? Trying to justify myself here. Tomorrow is his last dosage of baclofen. Please continue to keep Logan in your thoughts and prayers. No more ear pain or withdrawal symptoms. He needs some 'normalcy' in a big way!

I Heart Faces

2009-05-17T23:50:00.010-04:00

This is truly a difficult week at I Heart Faces. I'm suppose to choose my favorite photo, but how can I possibly choose just one? Honestly, I don't have one favorite, I have several. Between Logan and Levi, there are gazillions of schweet faces! Hmmm.... Well, I know I've posted this photo before, but there's just something about this one that grabs me. Could it be those eyes?

I am submitting this photo into the www.iheartfaces.com Blurb book photo contest. If chosen, I grant I ♥ Faces permission to use my photo in a printed version of a book for commercial use and possibly advertising of a photo book on both the Blurb and I ♥ Faces web sites.

Wicked Cool

2009-05-15T21:52:00.006-04:00

I have this irresistible urge to share my excitement. Get a look at this wicked cool crown! How awesome is that? I LOVE it!

A while back, the uber talented and ever so creative Melanie hosted a crown giveaway at Better Than Normal. I was lucky enough to be the recipient of the six crowns. Let me tell you, it made my whole day!

As you can see, Logan got the radical skull and bones with a flame job for his personalized crown. As for the additional crowns, I had them personalized with names of his classmates. So, next week Monday there is going to be a classroom of very happy kids! I can't wait to deliver. Looking forward to seeing all the adorable smiling faces! Hope to snap tons of photos to share.

An infinite of thanks to you Melanie! I heart you!

By the way, if you haven't already stopped in for a gander, please visit BetterThanNormal.org to see all of her wonderful creations. All of the proceeds for these fun crowns go towards her son's therapy. If you don't know Daniel, be sure to go meet him at Better Than Normal. Another determined boy who has cerebral palsy, but it doesn't have him. He'll surely capture your heart as he has done mine. Precious!

Friend Or Foe?

2009-05-14T21:38:00.011-04:00

This crazy life has been all consuming as of late. I've been trying to tackle an entire football team at once. I need to slow my roll and take on one opponent at a time. Please, bear with me while I gather my bearings and get back in the game.

Here's a reoccurring topic that constantly thwacks ravishly on my brain. Oral baclofen, friend of foe? It is a muscle relaxer intended to help treat spasticity in children with cerebral palsy. Logan started taking baclofen approximately two years ago and has been on the same exact dosage as when he started. So, what's my dilemma?

To start, there is little to no research on oral baclofen and how it effects children with cerebral palsy. When I seriously think about that, it is rather disturbing. How do I know if it's doing more damage than it is good? I don't. What I do know is this...

Logan has mixed tone. His trunk and arms are low tone, as in they are weak. While his legs are completely opposite. His legs are machines, as in they are strong but extremely tight. Hence the PERC lengthening surgery that I'm currently investigating (more to come later). So, if his upper extremities are weak as it is, it seems obvious he doesn't need any sort of muscle relaxer. Now, his legs need serious help (again, PERC). However, if he has been on baclofen all this time and his lower limbs are as horrendously tight as they are, then is the baclofen even working or relieving any spasticity?

Since the oral baclofen is dispersed throughout his body, it's hard to know exactly how much is getting into his spinal fluid (this is where it is suppose to go to be most effective). Say only a small percentage of the 40 mg he takes daily is going to his spinal fluid, where is the majority going to? How is this effecting the rest of his body? Is it hindering his trunk and arms from being stronger? Could his issue with dysphagia improve in the slightest? Is this causing even the tiniest bit of cognitive impairment cause it could be reaching his brain? What is the long term outcome of living on oral baclofen? These are just a few questions I have no answers to. No one can answer them.

As of right now, there doesn't appear to be any benefits for Logan on oral baclofen. He will be weaned off starting tomorrow. By day seven, he will not receive any more baclofen. Then it'll be a matter of a couple to few weeks before it leaves his system completely. Please, keep Logan in your thoughts and prayers for no ill side effects while this drug leaves his little body. These kind of decisions are never easy to make. I'm happy and terrified at the same time. I want this to be the right decision and feel that it is, but is it?

I Heart Faces

2009-05-10T23:58:00.012-04:00

This photo was taken almost two years ago. It was a rare, but very memorable moment. I have no idea why, but Logan and I were messing around in the fridge. I named off everything we saw on every shelf, even the nasty left overs. As our browsing continued, I peeked a glimpse of some Philly cream cheese. Suddenly, I had this bright idea to give Logan a taste. Being that he does not eat or drink anything orally, I was quite surprised he actually enjoyed the cream cheese. It was such a riot diggin' in the cold tank and listening to him laugh his head off as we explored. So much fun!

Be sure to visit I Heart Faces for more laughter.

A Thousand Words Thursday

2009-05-07T00:36:00.003-04:00

Ahh, it's that time of year again. Holland's Tulip Time Festival. We took the boys for a stroll downtown. The streets are filled with gorgeous tulips of all colors. It's quite beautiful and surely a sight to see. Here are a few photos while we meandered through town.

The Special Mother

2009-05-04T23:11:00.006-04:00

Something worth reading:

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressures, and a couple by habit. This year, nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen?

Somehow I visualize God hovering over Earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to make notes in a giant ledger. 'Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecelia. Rudledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity.' Finally he passes a name to an angel and smiles, 'Give her a handicapped child.'

The angel is curious, 'Why this one, God? She's so happy.'
'Exactly,' says God. 'Could I give a handicapped child a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel.'

'But has she patience?' asks the angel.
'I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. She has that feeling of self and independence that is so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make him live in her world, and that's not going to be easy.'

'But, Lord, I don't think that she even believes in you.'
God smiles, 'No matter. I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness.'
The angel gasps, 'Selfishness? Is that a virtue?'

God nods, 'If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says Momma for the first time, she will be present at a miracle and know it! When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations.'

'I will permit her to see clearly the things I see...ignorance, cruelty, prejudice...and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life, because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side.'

'And what about her patron saint?' asks the angel, pen poised in midair.
God smiles, 'A mirror will suffice.'

Author Erma Bombeck

I Heart Faces

2009-05-03T23:38:00.003-04:00

When choosing a photo for the 'Hats' theme at I Heart Faces this week, I knew I'd struggle making a decision (as always). Between Logan and Levi, I have boat loads of these photos. They both are so cute with all the various lids that have graced their noggins. In the end, I just had to pick this one. It makes me giggle every time. Leviathan, my true clown and entertainer.

The Agenda

2009-05-02T22:53:00.006-04:00

So much to do, so little time. Why, oh why has this become the story of my life? Seriously, I need more time in a day. Here is a glimpse into what is up and coming...

First and most important is looking into Perc Lengthening. Unfortunately, the time has come to further investigate the possibilities of adding yet another surgery under Logan's belt. This time around, it is the Perc procedure with Dr. Nuzzo in New Jersey. It is a very in depth subject to talk about. The hows and whys will be explained in a later post, for sure!

Then there is the inevitable.... a wheelchair accessible van. Logan is coming into an age where he is getting a lot bigger and a lot heavier. Let's see, 42 inches and 38 pounds to be exact. Carrying him anywhere is a tremendous task in itself (for instance: up and down 16 stairs everyday cause we live on the second floor), but transferring him from car seat to wheelchair is becoming a huge safety concern. He's bulky and dead weight. Getting him in and out of the van without any accidental head banging is tricky tricky. Not to mention that his wheelchair weights over 70 pounds. Trying to manually lift that mammoth jammoth in and out of the back of our mini van is a back breaker, literally.

I've also been investigating Euro-Peds. It is an intense therapy program in Pontiac, Michigan. They offer different programs based on a child's needs. It'd be nice to be able to give Logan another boost in his mobility. I'm hoping for a two week or three week session. He'd get therapy for approximately four hours a day. Depends on what they see fit for him. Maybe this summer or this fall, he can have this opportunity. That is if I can get all my ducks in a row. I've got the ball rolling and we'll see where it takes us. It takes a lot of time and effort to make something like this a reality.

Fundraising.... oh boy, did I just say what I think I said? UGH, what a nightmare that is! I dread having to put this into action, but then again making the best life for a child with special needs isn't cheap.

Details to come...

Where Did My Baby Go?

2009-05-01T00:40:00.003-04:00

Happy Second Birthday to our little beast! We love and adore you Leviathan!

Born May 1 at 8:04 am. 8 lbs 12 oz and 21 inches.

One year:

Two years:

An extra photo just because...

My ray of sunshine, given to me with a purpose. I am blessed and honored to be his mommy.

A Thousand Words Thursday

2009-04-30T00:32:00.012-04:00

As of late, it seems to be a trend for me to claim majority of my photos as being worth more than a thousand words. Well, because they are very meaningful. Logan has been making huge strides in defying cerebral palsy and it's monumental!

The trend continues... these photos are just that, worth a thousand words. This was the first year we did an Easter egg hunt with the boys (long story). I know, I know, Easter was so last month ago and I'm just now getting to a couple of the photos. Never enough time in a day...

Despite the chill from the whipping wind, the day was gorgeous. We were in great company with family and friends. The kids were so excited and happy. I was Logan's personal walker/boy holder up lady and Nana was his egg lifter/basket holder lady. We all had a blast!

I Heart Faces

2009-04-26T23:52:00.006-04:00

My gorgeous little guy, Logan. We were all about enjoying the sunshine this past week. As always, being the snap happy momma I am, I ended up with about a hundred some pictures throughout the afternoon. This happens to be one of my favorites of the day.

Check out reflection themed photos at I Heart Faces. Oh, and for the record, I realize that it is my reflection in his shades and not a childs. Therefore disqualifying myself by not following the guidelines. It's quite alright by me. I'm not in it to win it. It's all about the fun of it.

Clarification

2009-04-23T23:42:00.008-04:00

This is a topic I've been wanting to touch base with. A while back, I was doing a series of posts on answering your questions called 'Questions Answered'. (By the way, I know I still have some unanswered posts out there. I know I'm slow, but I haven't forgotten.) I still love the idea of answering any and all of your questions pertaining to Logan in any and all aspects of his life. I welcome all your questions. Now getting to my purpose....

Thinking back to Part 2, there was this question: Does he realize he has this condition? My reply was: Hmm, this is a toughy. I'm guessing, cause I have to, that Logan does realize that he has a condition. He is very intelligent. However, he probably doesn't know that it's specifically cerebral palsy in combination with every other diagnosis he has due to his CP. I surely think he knows he is challenged. Especially as he gets older, the more difficult this situation becomes. He's very observant and sees what other children are doing. He wants to do it too, but his body won't let him. Can you even imagine the frustration? I can't.

That was an extremely difficult question to answer. Quite frankly, I don't think I did a very good job explaining it. Nope, not one bit of good. I regret saying 'I surely think he knows he is challenged.' Why the heavy regret? Simple, this comment from a superb blogger: mommaof4wife2r said... one of the things i love about kids...no one knows they are "different" if you don't treat them that way. Her words flickered that dim bulb of mine and made me think.

I can't even begin to stress the importance of her statement. There is such a powerful truth behind those words. In my heart, I believe whole heartily that Logan is a very brilliant child. He can not speak one word, but that doesn't devalue his intelligence. He is very much aware of his surroundings and of the people around him. I often see and hear his frustrations from being in a body that won't let him do the things he wants to do. However, just because he has to work much harder to do the simple things we often take for granted, doesn't mean he knows he is 'different'. Logan will never know what it's like to be different, because he isn't. He's just Logan.

Beware of the Beast

2009-04-22T22:32:00.001-04:00

As promised, here is another video of Logan. I'm very touched and uberly excited by his accomplishments. Day by day, he keeps getting stronger and stronger. His determination is out of this world.

You go ahead and keep defying cerebral palsy there young man! I'll always be here to cheer you on. You can do it! Just beware of the little beast...

Wordful Wednesday

2009-04-21T23:23:00.003-04:00

Logan, the day he turned one. No reason other than just because.

Crazy Eights

2009-04-20T22:53:00.004-04:00

Here's something out of the ordinary. A post about me. I wasn't going to give in to the temptation of this fun meme, but after being tagged three times, well, I couldn't resist. Thanks to Sara at The Breathing Post , Lana at The Kids Did WHAT?!, and Erin at Through My Own Lens for thinking of me.

Rules, because there are always rules:
- Mention the person that tagged you.
- Complete the lists of 8's.
- Tag 8 of your wonderful bloggy friends.
- Go tell them you tagged them!

8 THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO:
* Smothering my boys with hugs and kisses every single day.
* My baby boy, Leviathan, turning two on May 1 (cry, cry, sniffle, sniffle.)
* Pushing Logan over the finish line in the Riverbank Run on May 9.
* Taking a bazillion trillion pictures of Logan in the Tulip Time Parade on May 7.
* Hearing Logan speak his first word ever (It'll be the best ear candy ever!).
* Witnessing Logan taking his first step all by himself with no support (Oh, it WILL happen!).
* Getting rid of my extra baggage by losing 17 more pounds.
* Spending time with my family every chance I get.

8 THINGS I DID YESTERDAY:
* Slept in... thanks hubster!
* Usual Sunday cleaning... stripping and making of the beds and such.
* Spent quality time with my Mumsy, Pops and Nana.
* Wasn't too happy about the weather. Bummer, it rained all day.
* Goofed off and played with Levi while shoveling in mouths full of fresh chips and salsa.
* Super excited to see Logan when he arrived home from a weekend with his Dad.
* Researched wheelchair accessible vans... wishing we had one.
* Read books and prayed with my boys at bed time.

8 THINGS I WISH I COULD DO:
* Purchase a home that fits all of our needs.
* Be a professional photographer. My passion, my dream.
* Travel and explore the world with boys in tow.
* Find a lawyer that will serve justice to Logan.
* See my brothers and nephews whenever I wanted.
* Scuba dive somewhere warm on a regular basis. Preferrably in salt water where the fish are stunningly gorgeous.
* Have a third child, my baby girl.
* Find a cure.

8 SHOWS I WATCH:
* American Idol
* Dog Whisper with Cesar Millan
* Imagination Movers
* Handy Manny
* Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
* Phineas & Pherb
* I know, only six. I don't watch much TV.

8 BLOGGERS TAGGED:
Mimi ~ He & Me + 3
Carey ~ Life in the Carpool Lane
Brooke~ Dinkypops No More!
Leanna ~ The Rambler
Tarah ~ Eyeglasses & Endzones
Melanie ~ Better Than Normal
Tara ~ Too Much Information
Celine ~ My life, my hopes, my future

I Heart Faces

2009-04-19T23:30:00.005-04:00

Mr. Logan and I when he was just five months old. This weeks theme for I Heart Faces is Self-Portrait. That explains the picture tilt and why I'm mostly out of the picture. Then again, it probably didn't help that I wasn't even looking at the camera. I just couldn't take my eyes off my precious baby. Four years later, I still have that same problem.

Terrible Palsy

2009-04-16T00:17:00.002-04:00

How terrible? You be the judge...

1:00 am = Logan waking up and crying out softly. This led me to his room for reassurance that he was okay. He calmed quickly and back to sleep he went.

2:30 am = The crying resumes but with much more volume. Time to run through my list of possible culprits causing his distress. Diaper change, check. Vent his stomach which proved he was indeed full of hot air, check. No fever nor profusely sweating, check. Crying then escalated to screaming.

3:00 am = In the middle of his room, equipped with bolous feeding gear and all. Approximately ten minutes into his tube feeding, Logan calmed down. Maybe hunger pangs were being the big jerks they are known to be.

3:25 am = Feeding complete. I'm returning to the kitchen for the drop off when in an instant I hear stomach curdling screams belting from Logan. In a flash, I'm there beside him. My presence meant absolutely nothing, nada, zilch, goose egg. I couldn't calm him to save my life.

3:30 am = Lifting my sweet precious boy back into bed, but not without a fight. He gives new meaning to stiff as a board. Not to mention his swift and powerful kicking abilities. His rage continues. Thrashing himself around in his bed. Continuous screaming and kicking. As I sat next to his bed to assure he'd stay in it I felt a tug, no, a pull with quite the force behind it. Ah, yes! Logan was literally ripping my hair out. Might as well been him, cause if it wasn't him it would have been me!

4:25 am = Lord Jesus came to the rescue. Finally, Logan found peace.

I can't even begin to explain what a toll this takes on my patience, my heart, my soul. My child can not speak one word. He can't tell me what is wrong, how to help. Instead, I sit there completely and utterly useless. Nothing I can do, nothing at all. I try, in these trying times, to be my strongest. I can't do it. Might as well have been beating me with a steel pipe right into the ground cause it did. I broke down and cried my eyes out. It's in these moments I curse CP.

Nights like the last, I could do without for the rest of my life. However, I know that won't be the case. Just wishful thinking.

Giving Away Fun

2009-04-15T21:08:00.009-04:00

Check out these super fun and adorable crowns! Aren't they the cutest party hats ever? I sure think so and if you do too, you're in luck. The ever so talented and uber creative Melanie is giving away $80.00 worth of her handmade crowns. Let me tell you, these hats are top notch quality. I instantly fell in love with the vibrant colors, the adjustable velcro, and the stitching is perfecto.

Yuppers, here's your chance to win one personalized custom crown along with five additional crowns. Please be sure to visit Better Than Normal for all the details!

Wordful Wednesday

2009-04-14T23:34:00.007-04:00

A picture worth way more than a thousand words. My very dear and best friend, Darlene, was finally able to hold Logan and love on him! This very moment has been four years in the making. Allow me to explain...

Looking back about eight or nine months ago, this would not have ever happened. In fact, Logan wouldn't have allowed anybody to hold him. He was very much in his own little world and we had huge, enormous, gigantic problems with Logan socially. It got to the point where we couldn't go ANYWHERE without him going into a raging crying spell. Not only that, but no one could touch him without getting him upset. It had gotten to the point that not even his Gram was able to hold him or comfort him. It was devastating, to say the least.

I believe a lot had to do with the path Logan has had to travel. If you can just imagine for a second, being in his shoes. Having to endure endless testings, therapies, treatments, pokes and prods from specialists and doctors all in the first three years of your life. I can understand where his need to be alone and not bothered stemmed from. Then, we had a turning point.

Klonopin. Prescribed by his neurologist to help control his ever changing spasticity and dystonia (muscle tone), it also helped Logan's social anxiety. We no longer have issues going anywhere. The best part of it all... he loves people, big and small. It's such a blessing to see him interact on a level we thought was impossible. I'm getting all choked up just thinking about where we were and where we are now.

When Logan took initiative and crawled into Darlene's lap, my heart melted and so did hers.

I Heart Faces

2009-04-12T23:52:00.007-04:00

Just one of a couple hundred photos from this afternoon. Our handsome little man, Levi. Not fair to have to pick just one. Definitely not an easy decision to have to make for a snap happy momma.

Check out the talent at I Heart Faces.

All About Me

2009-04-09T23:41:00.003-04:00

I had a flickering moment with that dim light bulb in my noggin. It just dawned on me that I'd like to share the 100 facts spotlight with Logan's little brother, Levi. Therefore, the next 25 truths are going to be all about our precious little man.

26. Leviathan Justice ~ Born May 1, 2007. Dad was persistent about Leviathan and Justice is a family name.
27. Recognizes and recites all the letters of the alphabet. Just not able to sing the song.
28. Was born cesarean cause I was scared to death to deliver naturally after Logan's traumatic birth.
29. Not ever had a hair cut. Sports the cutest bullet ever (baby + mullet = bullet).
30. Knows all his body parts. Lets everyone know he's a boy.
31. Loves cars and trucks of all shapes and sizes.
32. Can count to thirteen all by himself.
33. Has some wicked cool dance moves.
34. Totally digs rocking out on his Little Tykes guitar.
35. Knows his colors and shapes.
36. No matter the toy, he finds it amusing to throw them any and every where. A big no-no.
37. Goes at Logan 100 mph and hasn't been able to grasp the concept of 'take it easy!'.
38. Absolutely adores his big brother! Even imitates Logan!
39. Often sounds like a broken record. Gets a kick out of repeating EVERYTHING!
40. Has a handful of stuffed animals that he adores and has to sleep with.
41. Absolutely LOVES animals. He knows all the sounds they make.
42. Loves riding his tricycle. Even though he hasn't figured out how to peddle.
43. No matter where we are going, he always wants to go buh-bye.
44. Knows no stranger danger. Says 'hi' to everyone under the sun.
45. A very finicking eater.
46. Very affectionate boy. Gives the best hugs and kisses.
47. Hates going to bed. Suppose he thinks he's going to miss something.
48. Wants to be outside 24/7.
49. He is very jealous of Logan. A total attention hog.
50. He's such a smart, strong boy and will be of great help to Logan.

Drumroll Please

2009-04-08T23:17:00.007-04:00

Tada, here it is. Our 100th post! It seems to have snuck up on us rather quick, just like everything else often can and usually does. We are going to lay out and deliver 100 facts and truths all about me, Logan. Only, we are going to do it in segments of 25. Spread it out a little and give Momma time to think of all the wonderful things about me. Not that it's hard...

1. Yogi, just one of my many nicknames, was given to me by my cousins.
2. Rode in a helicopter the day I was born.
3. Started going to school a week after I turned three.
4. Get to ride the bus to school and I love it.
5. My eye lashes are just like my dad's.
6. Not a big fan of having my teeth brushed.
7. Don't like wearing my hands splints cause they give me sweaty stinky paws.
8. Walle and Bolt are currently my favorite movies.
9. Enjoy being tickled and laughing my head off.
10. Love wrestling with my mom and tackling my little brother.
11. Despise having my finger and toe nails cut.
12. Love watching action. The more the better.
13. Wear a size 9 1/2 shoe.
14. With my DAFO's, I wear a size 12 shoe.
15. Pulling myself to stand is one of my next goals.
16. Started receiving therapy when I was one month old.
17. Had to have my tonsils and adenoids taken out. They were compromising my breathing.
18. Have had three different surgeries to date.
19. I love all kinds of music!
20. Still sensitive to sound and startle easily at times.
21. Was on an airplane for the first time at 8 months old.
22. My silly family always mixes up my name with Levi.
23. I have abs of steel. You could bounce a quarter of these bad boys!
24. I give true meaning to tiny hiny and barely there. My butt is so little.
25. I was officially diagnosed with cerebral palsy when I was 9 months old. Although, it was in my charts at six months and no one told my family.

Stay tuned for the next installment of 'All About Me'.

Birthday Boy

2009-04-06T00:08:00.007-04:00

Logan turns four today!

Born April 6, 2005 at 8:34 am. 8 lbs. 6 oz. and 21".

One year:

Two years:

Three years:

Four years:

I can hardly believe four years ago today, I was blessed with a Miracle. I don't think it's possible to thank God enough for giving me the most precious gift in the world. I'm speechless.

Happy Birthday Sweet Logan!

Wordful Wednesday

2009-04-01T00:22:00.003-04:00

The famous lashes. Yes, I hear it all the time... The compliments about Logan's eyes and his lashes never ends and I surely don't mind. Not one bit. In fact, I'm in awe of them too. I only wish mine were as beautiful and voluptuous as his.

I Heart Faces

2009-03-30T20:58:00.004-04:00

Turn that frown upside down. Levi, aka my little drama king, when he was five months old. For the life of me, I can't remember what the fuss was all about. I just remember seeing that face and cracking up. My lil' punkin.

See more pouty faces at I Heart Faces.

Winners Are...

2009-03-29T00:10:00.002-04:00

Before I announce the prize winners for the Cerebral Palsy Awareness Sweepstakes, I'd just like to say that all of you are winners in my book. I understand how cheesey that sounds, but it's the honest truth. I appreciate each and every one of you and your help spreading CP awareness. It means the world to me and I really can't thank you enough. Now for the winners...

1. Hope Matters V-Neck goes to Nancy ~ Because Miracles Happen

2. Crown by Melanie goes to Piper & Mel ~ Fraase Family

3. CP Awareness Tote Bag goes to EL ~ Through My Own Lense

4. Grand Prize $50 Target Card goes to Erin ~ Smallest Smykay

Again, thank you for participating!

Who I Am

2009-03-26T21:57:00.004-04:00

Quite some time ago, I created a post stating that I had been asked to write a short bio on Logan for My Team Triumph (mTT). You can read the story here, What's the Diddy?. Now that it is more than a month later, I've finally finished it. I'd like to share it with you, as I said I would.

Many people know me as Yogi, my favorite nickname, but most call me Logan. I’m four years old and I have cerebral palsy, but cerebral palsy does not have me. Due to terrible palsy, I have several secondary diagnoses. A few of those are dysmotility, dysphagia, and global developmental delays. Despite those circumstances, I am very happy and determined. I’ve learned how to sit up on my own for short intervals. I sometimes fall over easily, but get back up as quick as I go down. My stamina improves each and every day. At the moment, I’m working on perfecting my crawl. I’ve got the coolest bunny hop around. I’m also good at pulling myself up into kneeling position. Next, I’ll probably start pulling myself to stand and practice balancing. Eventually, when I’m ready, I will learn to walk. While my focus is on my mobility, I remain non verbal nor do I eat or drink orally. All my nutrients are received through my feeding tube. In due time, it will all fall into place.

I am a student at the Ottawa Area Center. It is a fabulous school with endless benefits. I attend five days a week for six hours a day and enjoy it immensely. On a weekly basis, I receive occupational, physical, and speech therapy. In addition, I also participate and have fun riding horses, swimming, listening to music and so much more. To top it off, I have the most amazing teacher and paraprofessionals to help me. They say I light up a room with my smiles and giggles. Plus, I give great hugs. In class, I love to laugh, play with my friends, and watch cartoons. Given the chance, I even love pushing buttons on the computer. Most of all, I love to be mobile in my gait trainer because I am a mover!

Outside of school, I enjoy many activities. My favorite things are being outside, going for walks, swinging, and doing an occasional manual in my wheelchair at the skate park. While at the skate park, I get a kick out of watching skateboarding and BMX bikes. I love all the action. I also love seeing my little brother, Levi, go berserk because he’s so full of energy. He knows how to make me laugh. I’m proud to be his big brother. My family is my biggest supporters and definitely huge fans in watching me defy cerebral palsy. They consider me to be an inspiration and a hero. Despite being trapped in a body that doesn't do everything I want it to, I live life to the fullest.

Wordful Wednesday

2009-03-24T23:11:00.003-04:00

This picture is worth way more than a thousand words, for it means the world to me. First, allow me to introduce the wonderful crew. From top left, Katie and Sue, whom are teachers at the Ottawa Area Center, Catherine is Logan's student teacher, and Jan is his speech therapist. Bottom left is Logan's super fab teacher, Maureen, and the best paraprofessionals ever, Cathy and Barb.

I can't not thank these beautiful ladies enough for wearing green on March 20 to show their support for Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day. As if that wasn't powerful enough, I get to keep this treasured picture. The fact that they placed a support ribbon on Logan's left cheek and gathered for a picture with 'Logan the Great' is extremely heart warming, to say the least! Seriously, I'm at loss for words to describe my appreciation. Thank you ladies!

March is CP Awareness month!

I Heart Faces

2009-03-22T23:41:00.003-04:00

This picture was taken last summer at Centennial Park. It was such a gorgeous day, we couldn't resist taking the boys out for a stroll. Per usual, I was a picture snapping fool. Honestly, I have over 20,000 pictures in my archives and that's still not enough. Obsessed??? You betcha!

Wanna see more 'No Flash!' themed pictures, head over to I Heart Faces. The talent there is amazing!

Cerebral Palsy Sweepstakes

2009-03-20T00:24:00.010-04:00

Today is a super stupendous day! It is Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day! In efforts to help spread the word, I'll be giving away four fabulous prizes.

The prizes are:

1. Hope Matters - Support Cerebral Palsy Awareness v-neck shirt.

2. Fun Felt Crown by Melanie.*

3. Cerebral Palsy Awareness Tote Bag (not the actual bag shown).**

4. Grand Prize is a $50 dollar gift card to Target.

In Logan's journey over the past three (almost four) years, I've come to know many, many marvelous people. Two of which helped me with a couple of these prizes. I'd like to take a moment to honor them both.

*The first time I stumbled across Better Than Normal, I was immediately hooked. With much thanks to the ever so precious and inspiring Daniel, a boy who has a heart of gold and cerebral palsy. He has an amazing mother, Melanie, who is passionately devoted to her son and sharing his story. Melanie has offered to custom create one of her super fun crowns for one lucky winner. This is what she had to say, "We do custom crowns, birthdays, weddings, princess type, bachlorette parties, basically whatever you want, we can do." The best part about these crowns is that all proceeds go to Daniel's ABR therapy. Please, be sure to visit Daniel at Better Than Normal and take a peek at the variety of crowns for yourself here.

**Thanks to our local newspaper, I was able to get in touch and meet with Trisha and her family. Trisha is the super fabulous mom to Alaina. A beautiful and darling girl who also has cerebral palsy. I remember the first moment I met her and saw her smile, she snatched my heart. She is such a doll! You can see for yourself at Alaina Joy. Trisha is an uber talented Etsy shop owner. How talented? So talented that Modern Bride magazine is doing a feature on her in the Aug/Sept issue. Be sure to wander over to DAiSYS & dots and see her creative side. In the meantime, she is putting together a wonderful tote bag for the giveaway. I wasn't able to get a picture, hence the above photo for show.

For your chance to win, here's how to enter.

Being that the sole purpose behind this giveaway is to raise CP Awareness, there is one requirement to enter this sweepstakes. You must post a blog entry with a link back to Life of Logan on your blog. Within that blog post must also be one of these three items:

1. Grab a code for one of the three CP Awareness buttons found on Life of Logan sidebar.

2. Copy and paste one of these three facts and statistics into your post:

- The average prevalence of cerebral palsy is about 1 in 278 children. This first report of the prevalence and characteristics of CP, the most common cause of motor disability in childhood, are from Georgia, Alabama and Wisconsin. Can you even begin to imagine the numbers if there was a national surveillance?

- Cerebral palsy is one of the most common developmental disabilities in the US, affecting at least 800,000 children, adolescents and adults in America. Cerebral palsy is NOT a disease nor should it be considered one. It is not even a simple or single disorder but rather a broad range of disorders that disrupt a person’s ability to move, sit, stand, walk, talk and use their hands. The severity of the movement disorder and the type of movement difficulties can vary greatly. Some patients have only mild difficulties with balance, walking and fine motor skills while patients at the other extreme are completely trapped in their own bodies, fighting rigid limbs, and unable to speak or swallow.

- There is currently no cure for cerebral palsy and in most cases, it is not preventable. In over 50 years, treatments for CP have not progressed much at all. In fact, today, there remains little consensus among medical professionals regarding what causes CP or how best to treat it. Why do 800,000 or more Americans have CP, and yet we don’t know much more about what causes it or how to prevent it than we did a half century ago?

Resources: Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and Reaching for the Stars (RFTS)

3. Post a picture of you/family/friends wearing a green shirt in support of CP Awareness.

While only one of these three items is required, you will get an extra entry for each additional item listed in your post. If you decide to use all three, you will get a bonus entry. That's a total of four entries allowed per person. Once you've completed your blog entry, enter it into good old Mr. Linky and viola! You're official!

IMPORTANT: If your email address is not visible in your profile, you must leave it in a comment or your entry will not be valid. I need to be able to contact you or I'll have to pick another winner.

The sweepstakes will end at 11:59 pm (Michigan time) on March 27. The four winners will be hand picked by Logan and Levi and announced on March 29.

PLEASE, please with some sugar on top... enter your direct link (permalink) to your blog entry into Mr. Linky, not your main blog link to your home page. With all that sugar, you'd be a life saver!

Wordful Wednesday

2009-03-17T23:58:00.002-04:00

I was browsing through my flickr account and came across this photo. It was taken last year during July 4th weekend. Generally, I like to showcase family with Logan for my Wordful Wednesday posts, but this is too cute not to share.

Just Can't Help It

2009-03-16T22:19:00.005-04:00

Sometimes I just can't help but to break down and cry. That's exactly what I did yesterday when the ER doctor confirmed Logan's ruptured ear drum in his right ear. It is just so darn frustrating watching your child get beat down with one illness right after another. Anyone have a brand spanking new immune system up for grabs? Logan would surely appreciate it! He'd give nothing but love and thanks in return. Gees, don't I wish it were that easy.

Check this out. It all started back in January. He ended up with a nasty case of walking pneumonia. Luckily he didn't have to be hospitalized, just the routine antibiotic and a follow up. Well, barely a month later Logan is struck with a double ear infection. Again, more amoxicillan. I sware, the very next day after he finished this round of meds (eleven days later to be exact), he was slammed with another bug of some sort. This was causing major congestion and a nasty cough. A lot of sleepless nights, to top it off.

Five days into this ordeal it was another trip back to the pediatrician. I wanted to make sure his double ear infection was completely gone. Doctor said his ears looked fantastic, but it's too bad he caught something else. Of course, Logan was to ride this one out alone. Just a mere three days later I was picking Logan up from school because he had been crying non-stop for an hour. Basically, that was the whole time he was there. We had no clue what was going on.

Fast forward to Saturday after noon, I noticed clear drainage coming from Logan's ear. Luckily, my mom is a RN in the ER at our local hospital. When she got to work, she questioned the doctor with Logan's symptoms. Without being able to look at it, the doc said it may not be a big deal. It became a big deal at 1:30 am when Logan woke up crying. I noticed in the puddle of drainage on his bed that it had a yellowish tint. Sure enough, we went to Grand Rapids to the pediatrics ER on Sunday. That's where the ruptured ear drum was confirmed. To top it off, both ears are infected, again. Mind you, this was after just three days after his ears were checked and nothing was wrong. We were sent home with more antibiotics and a $40 dollar miniature bottle of ear drops. Hopefully, this time he will get better.

May have to look into getting tubes in his ears after this is all said and done with. That's two major ear infections all within two and a half weeks. So not cool. But that's up to his ENT to decide. We'll see. So, what I really want to know is this... When the heck is Logan going to get a break? When is enough enough? He's been in a heck of a lot of pain, lost an amazing amount of sleep, and it's just not fair. I'd take it all, every ounce of sickness and discomfort just for him to be happy and healthy.

I Heart Faces

2009-03-15T23:09:00.004-04:00

Sweet baby Logan at five months old.

Check out more 'Green' themed pictures at I Heart Faces.

Start Spreading the News

2009-03-14T22:24:00.003-04:00

Please take note. Next Friday, March 20, in honor of Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day, I will be hosting my first (maybe annual?) giveaway! As you may have guessed, the whole purpose behind this shindig is to spread CP Awareness. What better way to spread the good word than to give away prizes?

What will I be giving away? Let's just say there will be three prizes along with a grand prize. Count 'em up. That's four winners! Heads up, one important rule requires a post on your blog. Within the post there should be one of three things, or all. One being a picture of people in green shirts showing their support, another is to grab and post the CP Awareness button, or post one of three CP facts on your blog. Not to worry, I'll provide the facts and all you have to do is copy and paste. I'll be using Mr. Linky for the convenience. I know, it seems like a lot of work, but the goal here is to raise awareness. Won't you help me spread the word?

I'll lay out all the details first thing on Friday. Please come back to participate!

The Big Umbrella

2009-03-12T21:40:00.009-04:00

Cerebral palsy is not progressive. In other words, the actual brain damage that caused CP does not worsen. However, the secondary diagnoses and symptoms can and usually do become worse over time.

Speaking of secondary diagnoses, here are two more facts from Reaching for the Stars.

-Most individuals (75%) with cerebral palsy also have one or more additional developmental disabilities. Additional diagnoses can include, but are not limited to epilepsy, mental retardation, autism, and visual impairments or blindness.

-Individuals with cerebral palsy are at high risk for secondary complications such as muscle atrophy, joint contractures, bony deformities, fractures, scoliosis and
chronic pain.

This is why cerebral palsy is often referred to as an umbrella term. Along with CP come a humongous group of conditions that result in secondary diagnoses. For some people it may be a few additional conditions, as for others it can be several. In Logan's case, he's somewhere in between. Due to his cerebral palsy, he has also been diagnosed with spastic quadriplegia, dysphagia (difficulties swallowing), chronic constipation controlled by Miralax, sensory processing disorder, dysmotility, failure to thrive, global developmental delays, c-back, and behavioral issues.

As Logan gets older, it seems his overall condition gets more complicated. While some issues improve, new ones can and do emerge. Despite what he experiences and endures, he manages to light up a room with his smile. It's no wonder he's been able to capture and melt so many hearts.

Wordful Wednesday

2009-03-11T23:56:00.006-04:00

Honestly, I'm not at all happy with the quality of this picture. Never mind me, it's just me being anal. A trait that is sometimes good, but mostly annoying. Back to the picture, can you tell who wants to be just like his big brother? Yuppers, I wanted to share this to show Levi's admiration for his big brother. There have been so many instances where Levi imitates Logan. It surely is one of the cutest things ever. I just wish I was able to capture every moment on camera for it is a precious sight to see.

Questions Answered - Part 5

2009-03-10T23:30:00.004-04:00

In case you are wondering, I have not forgotten about 'Questions Answered'. As promised, I will respond to each and every one. It may take me a while to get to it, but it most certainly will not be over looked. Please, keep the questions rolling in. As I said before, feel free to ask anything and everything for there are no secrets. I'm more than willing to bring awareness to cerebral palsy one question at a time. Now, with much thanks to you all, here is the fifth installment.

This next question comes from Tim at Fort Thompson and Kel at Girl in the Glasses.

What is Hippotherapy? As defined by the American Hippotherapy Association (AHA), hippotherapy promotes the use of the movement of the horse as a treatment strategy in physical, occupational and speech-language therapy sessions for people living with disabilities. Hippotherapy has been shown to improve muscle tone, balance, posture, coordination, motor development as well as emotional well-being. If you happen to wonder why the word hippo is used, it's the Greek meaning of horse.

How does it work? According to Great Strides Therapy, traditional therapeutic techniques are integrated with the movement of the horse. The four beat gait of the horse simulates a person´s movement as if he/she is actually walking. The rider does not control the horse but benefits from the movement of the animal. Hippotherapy assists the patient to improve concentration, problem solving, self-esteem and fosters a sense of control.

It's Official

2009-03-09T23:52:00.009-04:00

Friday, March 20, 2009 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM

Tom Harkin Global Communication Center
1600 Clifton Road, NE
Atlanta, GA 30333
Auditorium B

Register by March 18, 2009 by clicking here.

No charge to attend, open to the public.

Please join us for our special guest speaker Dick Hoyt. Rick Hoyt has cerebral palsy. That has not stopped him from living a very full and amazing life. He's competed in the Boston Marathon 26 times and in Ironman Triathlons six times. He, along with his dad, Dick, has formed "Team Hoyt" and they compete around the world doing marathons and triathlons. Dick travels the country doing corporate and community presentations, educating the public about disability awareness and promoting the Team Hoyt motto, "Yes You Can".

Other guest speakers include:
Dr. Janice Brunstrom, Director, Pediatric Neurology Cerebral Palsy Center at St. Louis Children's Hospital.

Updates from Reaching for the Stars: A Foundation of Hope for Children with Cerebral Palsy and CDC's National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities.

Featuring a special interactive kids panel.

Refreshments served.

SPONSORED BY:
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Center on Birth Defects and Developmental Disabilities
Reaching for the Stars: A Foundation of Hope for Children with Cerebral Palsy
www.reachingforthestars.org

*This information provided by RFTS.

If you're not familiar with Team Hoyt, please get acquainted with this video from my previous post 'Five Minutes You Won't Regret'.

On a personal note, I'm saddened to say that I can not attend this spectacular event. However, that will not stop me from spreading CP awareness and showing my support. Will you join me? On March 20, simply wear a green shirt to show your support! Do it for Logan and all that have CP!

I Heart Faces

2009-03-09T15:28:00.005-04:00

I really struggled narrowing down which picture to use this week for Creative Crop at I Heart Faces. There are so many poses to choose from, but ultimately I knew I had to share this one. I've always loved this photo since day one. I was going to use it previously for the black and white theme and honestly have no idea why I didn't. So, here it is now. Mr. Logan at two years old.

In Honor Of

2009-03-06T23:27:00.010-05:00

March is National Cerebral Palsy Awareness Month! In efforts to help spread awareness, I'd like to share some facts and statistics through out this month. Basically, I will be posting anything and everything related to cerebral palsy. I'll be using my favorite website, Reaching for the Stars (RFTS), and a few others to help spread the good word. Let's get started...

Fact #1: Cerebral Palsy is one of the most common developmental disabilities in the United States, affecting at least 800,000 children, adolescents and adults in America. Cerebral Palsy is NOT a disease nor should it be considered as one. It is not even a simple or single disorder but rather a broad range of disorders that disrupt a person’s ability to move, sit, stand, walk, talk and use their hands.

The severity of the movement disorder and the type of movement difficulties can vary greatly. Some patients have only mild difficulties with balance, walking and fine motor skills while patients at the other extreme are completely trapped in their own bodies, fighting rigid limbs, and unable to speak or swallow.

Stay tuned for more...

Where's Your Head At?

2009-03-04T23:55:00.005-05:00

Hopefully it's not in the same place as mine. Where ever that is. All I have to say is, it's a darn good thing my head is attached or I'd forget it. Probably on a daily basis too. Seriously, some days it's as if I carry this round hollow thingamabob between my shoulders, but it's missing it's essential piece. The brain.

This week started off a bit busy. I had to take Levi to see his surgeon for his last post-op appointment. For a Monday, it was smooth sailing. On Tuesday, I kept Logan home from school for his consult appointment for new DAFO's (braces for his legs). I was rushing around and a little concerned that we were going to be late. It's at least a 40 mile drive to get to where we needed to be. We happened to arrive just in time.

As we checked in, the two ladies looked at each other a bit puzzled. This is what they told me, 'Your appointment is actually for tomorrow at 10:30. Gabe (the specialist) isn't even here, but we'll call him and get is ETA. *Few minutes later* 'Gabe's on his way. Do you mind waiting about 15 minutes?' Oh my goodness! I felt like such a goober. Totally wrong day, wrong time, what the heck was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn't. I felt like the biggest dweeb. Who am I kidding? I am a dweeb.

Since our consult didn't take as long as I imagined, I decided to take Logan to school. Don't know why I didn't consider that from the beginning. For some reason it ended up being a last minute decision when that should've been the plan from the get go. We arrived at school and I totally forgot his book bag which contains his communication notebook between his teacher and I. To top it off, I forgot to give them his shoulder harness for the bus ride home. Luckily, they are very creative at the OAC and made a strap for his safety. But once again, where was my brain? Any ideas as to where it went? Something I can do to help secure it in place? *Sigh*

Wordful Wednesday

2009-03-03T23:34:00.005-05:00

I find it amazing how some things (most things?) in life are meant with a purpose. Sometimes we don't have a clue what the exact purpose is. Sometimes I don't think we are to ever know or fully understand a purpose. Then there are times a purpose is revealed. My friendship with Sondra is one of those knowns.

My memory doesn't serve me well, but I think we've known each other for almost nine years. I'm pretty certain anyway. We have had a great friendship since day one. At one point in time, we were even roommates. Then the day came I had to move into a place of my own and prepare for motherhood.

This is where it gets amazing. Logan was born. Born not breathing. After resuscitation, my miracle baby had suffered from lack of oxygen (HIE) causing permanent brain damage. It was known right from the get go that he was going to need early intervention. He got that and so much more.

Since about a month old, Logan received Early On services through the state of Michigan. In the beginning, the therapists used to come into our home to treat him. If I remember correctly, around the age of one, Logan was to start group therapy which was twice a week for a hour and a half. There he received occupational, physical, and speech therapy in a classroom setting. Yup, they even had a fabulous teacher for the kiddos.

I had struggled with this transition. There was guilt and overwhelming emotions of dropping my child off and leaving him 'alone' with a group of people. People that I knew were helping him, but that didn't seem to matter nor did it ease the situation. He was my precious baby. How was I to leave him and be okay with it? There was a solution and her name is Sondra. My dear, beautiful friend was his OT. I tell you what, that was my saving grace. To this day, I don't think she fully understands just how much that meant to me. The comfort and ease of my nerves knowing that my friend was with my son when I couldn't be was a blessing.

I can't possibly say enough about her. She's truly a treasure and I'll forever cherish our friendship. Actually, I love her so much I could squeeze her 'til her eyes pop out. Okay, not that hard, but you get the picture.

Be sure to visit Angie for more Wordfuls.

I Heart Faces

2009-03-01T23:45:00.004-05:00

Why eat Thanksgiving dinner when you can wear it? Everything we offered Logan to taste that night, he decided it'd make a better facial. His self created ribbon jello mowhawk with a side of deviled egg was priceless. Pure entertainment!

I remember this day vividly and what a grand memory it is. What makes it so grand? At the age of one and a half, those were the days Logan loved tasting and playing in his food. Unfortunately, those days were shortly lived. I'm sad to say they no longer exist and haven't for a few years. Due to dysphagia (difficulties swallowing) amongst other issues, Logan does not eat or drink anything by mouth. All of his nourishment and medications are received through his feeding tube. I'm looking forward to the day he lets down his oral defense and starts showing interest in food again. I'm not giving up on the hope of someday...

What a mess, eh? Visit I Heart Faces for more messy masterpieces.

Questions Answered - Part 4

2009-02-28T23:12:00.008-05:00

Finally, here's the fourth installment of your questions answered. This next comment comes from Tara. You can find her at Too Much Information and Kidz. She says, 'I want to know how you handled it and learned to not only accept his condition, but embrace it and be the amazing and inspiring mom that you are. Please oh please tell me!'

Um, honestly, I don't even know where to start. I suppose the very beginning would be appropriate. I'm thinking I should state from the get go that I have yet to post the details of Logan's birth. Due to litigation, I've not yet explained exactly what happened, but that day will come. For now, I'll be brief and state that Logan suffered from hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy (HIE) which is fancy schmancy for lack of oxygen to the brain. We have no idea how long he was without oxygen. The entire delivery was very complicated and we knew Logan was in trouble as he made his grand entrance into this world.

Logan's birth and his entire fifteen days spent in the NICU seemed a bit surreal. It's as if it happened so fast. There were so many questions, concerns, and I was buried deep in emotions. I can't possibly find the words to describe what that felt like. I truly have no idea how to explain it. To be honest, I try not to remember. No need to relive the past over and over and ponder on all the what if's. To this day, there are many unanswered questions. So, as far as handling it, I really don't know. I mean, being a first time mom, not having a clue what to expect, and not knowing what kind of impact this would have on our family, I don't think I knew how to handle it. All I can say is thank God for miracles and family!

Learning to accept Logan's condition.... Oh, let's see. Accepting Logan and everything about him was easy peasy. The very second I saw Logan, my love was unconditional. I never knew such depths of love ever existed. No matter what the scenario may have been, I was ready to give him my all, my every ounce of being. He was my miracle. What was difficult was accepting the fact that this condition happened to him. You may know the thought. Why me, why my son? I'm not going to lie and say that this is easy. To this day, my heart still breaks for Logan. Yes, I have plenty to be thankful for and with all things considered, majority of our days are a breeze. However, it's easy to get bitter on the days Logan experiences pain, grief, and frustration due to his cerebral palsy. Nobody wants to see their child endure those things. To sum it up, I have accepted his condition, but it doesn't mean that I have to like it. Know what I mean? It's the deep conversations with God that help keep me in line.

As for embracing, there was never any question about it. It's all for Logan and has been since day one. No matter how I look at it, cerebral palsy is a part of him and will be for the rest of his life. That means grabbing cerebral palsy by the horns and showing it who's boss. We do what it takes to make a better life for him. We will not sit back and just watch Logan survive, he's going to live! Words we live by... A boy who has cerebral palsy, but cerebral palsy does not have him. It's the truth!

A Bit of Crazy

2009-02-27T23:46:00.003-05:00

That pretty much sums up this week. To start, Logan had an appointment this past Monday at Neurodevelopmental Pediatrics. It was our routine six month check up. In the three and a half hours we were there, we visited with an OT, PT, SLT, nurse practitioner, dietitian, and a social worker. Nothing less than a superb team!

Our last visit was in August of 2008. You can read about it here. That visit was nothing less than horrendous. Only due to the fact that Logan had some severe social issues at the time. Basically, no one was able to touch him, much less look at him without him screaming and crying. The staff even went the extra mile and had someone give up their laptop so Logan could watch Mickey Mouse Club House. Granted we watched it three times in a row, but still. They were wanting and willing to do anything to help calm him. It had worked. This time around, they all wanted to know what happened to Logan. He was a completely different kid. No screaming, no crying, no nothing. Well, up until we had been there for three hours and he was letting us know he was ready to go home. Needless to say, they were very impressed how much he had matured in the past six months. It was a blessing!

So what's changed? According to all the therapists, we were ordered to continue doing what we are currently doing. That consists of Logan attending the OAC and getting all his therapies there (more to come on that). As for the dietitian, she confirmed that the extra five ounces I had recently added to Logan's diet was a good thing. After all, he is growing and becoming a lot more mobile. Therefore he needs the extra calories that he ends up burning lickity split.

As for the nurse practitioner, she switched Logan from Zantac to Prevacid. She said it's works better than Zantac which is a good thing for the boy, but not our wallet. Unfortunately, that copay is 30 smackaroos a month compared to 10. But if it's better for the little man, it's surely worth every cent. Next, we found out he had a double ear infection. That's more than likely been the cause of his crying fits and lack of sleep. We hope anyway. Lastly, he is being referred to a pulmonologist for recent respiratory issues. If you recall about a month ago, he had a walking case of pneumonia. Plus, with Logan's cerebral palsy, he always has an underlying issue of congestion that never goes away. He's not able to get around like we do, therefore it is harder for him to get rid of congestion. He can not blow his nose nor spit stuff out to help clear his system. He had been on Claratin for a while, but it's not doing the trick. Anyway, point being, since he is getting older, they want him to have a pulmonologist as a precautionary. Make sure his lungs stay healthy since he is more susceptible to having those types of problems. Kinda scary but a good thing.

Good gravy, now that I've written near a chapter in a book, I'll sum up the rest of the week real quick. Remember that nasty bug I was fighting last week? Yup, I gave in and went to the doctor finally on Tuesday. Strep throat. Hence my slacking this week in blogland. Then, to top things off, Wednesday Logan's feeding tube went bad, again. The valve was shot and wouldn't seal and he had to have the whole thing replaced. Hate, HATE having to put him through that. Check out why here. To tell the truth, that's a whole story in itself. Maybe some other time...

Other than that, we are mostly healthy, happy and blessed to have each other!